Update #1– Cops pursuing warrant from Tiger’s medical treatment.

Jupiter, FL– In the interest of disclosure, I admit I am a U G E Tiger Woods fan. (we pronounce it sans the H in Jersey)

I dream of the day I could hit a ball and feel the shaft of my driver fall into my palm like an ethereal falsetto, as he does.

Sigh.

Until then, I golf-envy my beloved Eldrick.

In the early morning hours, 2:20 ish AM of this Saturday following Thanksgiving, Mr. Woods had a minor accident at the end of his driveway while backing out in his Escalade. He hit a fire hydrant and tree; sustaining minor injuries. 

Today, after the 3^rd requested meeting to interview Tiger about the accident, FHP troopers were again turned away at the request of Woods lawyer, Mark Nejame.

The neighbors of his enclave neighborhood Windemere called 911.

Why was he backing out of his driveway at that hour, you ask?

Why, he was test marketing, of course.  A Two-fer of sorts.

How else does one test the tensile strength of the rear window of a 2009 Escalade and the latest and greatest in graphite irons?

Allow me to explain. Tiger’s wife, the lovely Elin Woods, sank a club out of Mr. Woods bag (Steve Williams unavailable for consult) into the rear of Mr. Woods SUV. According to Tiger’s statement, Elin acted courageoulsy in that endeavor.

  As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I’m pretty sore.

This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.

This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.

The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.

This incident has been stressful and very difficult for Elin, our family and me. I appreciate all the concern and well wishes that we have received. But, I would also ask for some understanding that my family and I deserve some privacy no matter how intrusive some people can be.

Tiger– You have every right to a personal life. If those decisions result in you Umiliating your wife ( again no H in Jersey) we will not maintain our friendship.

I will end up respecting you as a champion athlete who is a jerkwad in his personal life. I cannot imagine your Dad would relish the idea of you being on a conveyor belt at the Enquirer print house.

Now is the time. Make it right. I apologize for the unfair pressure, it is well intended.