September 11, 2001: The Worst Crimes Against Americans In US History- A Memoir On September 11, 2010
*Reposting this today in tribute. It took me 9 years to finally write about it last year, I don’t imagine I have anything to add. Except this- Never Forget this day, tell your babies to tell their babies. Tell them how proud this great nation is of it’s grace and poise in the face of this atrocity. Be vigilant.*
At 8 am I was humming up I-287. I had just tuned in the FM to Elvis Duran and the Z Morning Zoo because Howard was discussing his last night’s escapades and as usual, it simultaneously made me blush and wonder who else was listening to it. Siriusly.
My first distinct recollection is always the color of the ethereal sky that day. I recall the color exactly. I do not know if my cellular memory is now my SIM for the event, but it was a vibrant water- color diluted indigo with a transparency I do not think one could replicate if they tried.
It was brilliant. It was extraordinary. It was the ultimate in aerial visibility clearance for evil, I will never forget.
I was headed to my office about 20 minutes outside the city via Route 3 to pick up our graphic artist for a meeting with a client on Water St.
I was buzzing through the presentation in my head in the hopes I could stay succinct, DTCC was not one for banter or frivolousness.
I remember being distracted from my gaze out the windshield by an excited and tonally ominous radio voice:
“Did you see that? What the F*ck was that, what in the…”-
Radio silence for a few minutes. I never thought for a second we were under siege.
In retrospect, I recall thinking; “I just turned off Howard to NOT hear about some topless whatever in the lobby: I am not feeling shenanigans this morning.”
Once back on- air, the program resumed. It was announced that a plane had accidentally flown into the North Tower of the World Trade Center.
To be honest, given my client base and frequency of trips into NYC and surrounding areas, this “accident” rose only to the level of commuting nuisance. The probability of logistical snafu however, was now a pressing reality.
I called Scott, my CGI savant and told him I felt we might be late for our meeting due to traffic concerns going through the tunnel. We agreed not to be open to rescheduling for another day, but to push back the meeting time.
You already know what happened next. Within minutes the second plane hit the South tower- we were under attack.
I write those words. I relay them to others.
However, in hindsight, there was definitely a- not- to- be- believed quality to what was happening and how it related to the world I knew.
The F-16’s zinging overhead moments later triggered a few more pangs of reality. Earsplitting reality, to be precise.
By the time I arrived at my office, staff was standing around the conference room plasma exhibiting each person’s individual and outwardly- noticeable nervous ticks.
We were however, united in our various and personal looks of fear.
Nobody knew where this was going as our computers at our cubes were dinging in the background with RSS feeds and emails announcing the end of the world. We were cemented to the live action, the white noise simply reminded us it was as bad as we suspected.
I gasped with my hands over my mouth as I saw the tower fall. I don’t remember who it was, but a woman screamed.
I remember thinking it was like a Godzilla and Rodan image, with the exception that there were people on video jumping from the building and it gripped me in my waddle.
I am a gallows- humor- gal, and as each update came across the wire or through Matt Lauer’s voice, my fight or flight response was hedging into first gear.
The missing planes, the crash into the Pentagon and the crash into the field in Somerset, PA were all kind of background trauma in anticipation of would be next.
I think of it as “fear legos”- nobody wants to think of what it will look like when it is finished.
It took another solid hour for my psych to win over the “I am going nowhere but directly in front of a news source at all times” paranoia, which had set in.
It dawned on me if there was going to be a mass exodus across the bridges and out of the city, I would be trapped for hours.
Although I opted to leave the office and head home for the 90-minute commute, I never turned my phone on.
I had already checked the kids, had our daughter picked up from preschool, got the call from the parents checking on my whereabouts from the office. I was cognizant of wasting my cell battery all of a sudden.
As I sped my way back to 78W, I passed 3 New Jersey State Police barracks as I do twice daily, however, this time there were patrol cars and NJSP SUV’s and paddy wagons parked in every possible orifice and spilling onto the shoulder.
It was clear that every available Law enforcement Officer was called in for a briefing.
I pushed the pedal to 90. No self-respecting officer is going to waste their 9/11 participation by writing me a ticket, I told myself.
If I had to define one of the foremost panic-stricken markers of this day, it would be the observations on my ride home.
As horrific as I knew in my heart the attack on our people, on our soil, was going to play out, the feeling that we were bracing for what was coming next was unavoidable and emotionally paralyzing.
The epitome of terrorism- I was terrorized by the current terror, and terrorized at the fear of new terror.
My memory of heading home that day, to bunker down with my family in the safety of suburbia felt like I was being shot through some cosmic tunnel I just wanted to be able to see the end of.
For reasons I still do not understand, I stopped at a grocery store I had never been to, 40 minutes from home and filled 2 carts without a thought of what needed immediate refrigeration or what the hell I needed bulk packs of every size battery for.
I picked up the kids, ordered my husband home and waited for the world to end *LIVE* on Fox and CNN. For almost every American, it did. At least the world as we knew it.
6 Days Later
My meeting had been rescheduled, although now without the C-level audience I desired, as they were now mostly abroad or working from remote locations.
Scott and I met at the office, and I was emphatic I would not be traveling through the tunnel.
No way, no how, and I did not care that it added an hour travel time. I scheduled the meeting for 1PM for that very reason.
I was ill-prepared for the affront on every one of my senses and emotions as we arrived at the Weehawken Terminal.
After purchasing our tickets and heading to the dock the “wall of missing” hit me like a lead balloon.
I recognized some of their faces as the media had been playing the images with the last words and professions of love from family all week.
They played in my head instantly. I am forever humbled by the fact that in the fear of imminent mortality these people had the resolve to comfort those that loved them.
I have never seen more cops, somber as they were, and outside of that unspecified collegiate incident I was not a participant of, happier to see them.
Once we boarded the ferry, the National Guard, with their military-issue assault rifles were tactically positioned on each level.
I opted to sit outside on the top for my first personal look at the voids to the downtown skyline, and in retrospect, near the dudes with big guns should anything go wrong.
It was windy, foggy, and the grayest day on the water I have experienced. I waited with angst and anticipation of what undoubtedly was going to be the insult only one that has frequented “The City” could expect.
Within 8 minutes, what hit me first was the smell.
It was as acrid as it was thick. A combination of cement dust, metal, some sort of petrol and saturated with smoke.
It stung in my nose and tasted like my Poppa’s basement workshop before my Gram would yell at him to open the bilco doors if I was down there pestering him to wear his safety goggles or scribbling hearts on his plans with the cool square pencil.
Then I saw it.
The twisted crane thing just like the images I had seen all week in the 24/7 coverage, and dark smoke billowing into the sky.
It was true. I was seeing for myself. The towers were gone, the surrounding buildings were missing walls and windows and now covered with blue, orange or green mesh to contain any falling debris.
What I also saw, was that on the roofs of the remaining skyscrapers which survived the attack, were the largest American Flags I have ever seen.
They were either were flying or fastened to the upper side of the building faces. They were everywhere and my chest heaved with pride.
In the face of utter destruction, demolition and unspeakable numbers of dead or missing, someone had the bravery and tenacity to make that happen. It jolted me to remind myself that terrorism is only successful if I allow myself to feel terror by their actions.
My mind began moving back to anger.
As we docked and exited the ferry, I remember thinking I could not imagine how long the ride across the river must have seemed to those lucky enough to be passengers on it that day. Not just for them, but also for the loved ones who held their breath waiting to see if they made it out.
I wish I could say that the meeting yielded first hand spurious accounts of that fateful day for those that were witnessing ground zero unfold outside their conference room window. Although while we set up for our presentation and we could see the steady clouds of smoke passing upward, it was almost like our audience could pretend it didn’t happen.
Following our strategy brief and during the Q&A, we did learn that the building still had not provided a comprehensive emergency exit plan and we learned several employees did not evacuate until the very late afternoon that day.
What can I say? They call it the concrete jungle for a reason.
We were on our way to the 2-block walk back to the ferry, when the National Guard stepped in front of us, clearing the street for the delegation of Black Suburbans with Diplomatic plates heading toward us. We were told that almost every country was sending emissaries to Wall Street to hopefully stave off ,or improve, the mess formerly known as the US Stock Market.
While we waited, we noticed 2 doors down on the right was the Ladder Company missing 9 members. The doors were open, and the photos of the members of their company that were dead or still missing lined the doorway.
There was one firefighter in the bay, and with a shaky little voice I told him how sorry I was for his befallen brothers and their families.
I hugged a complete stranger and said I would be right back.
I backtracked to the last ATM I saw and withdrew cash for a donation. I wish it could have been more but the $600 rash grocery purchase from the week prior made a dent. I returned with my donation and a bouquet of flowers to add to the base of the memorial that took me 20 minutes to pick out.
I lost several business associates but did not lose any personal friends or relatives in 9/11.
I did not employ any heroic measures on that day to evacuate, rescue, or administer care to anyone.
I do not know why I was fortunate enough to escape the fate that thousands of others did not.
Had my meeting been at our usual 9:30am, I may not have.
I share this very personal memoir because I observe this day by paying my respect to the victims of the cowardly terrorist attack on our country September 11, 2001.
It is incumbent upon us to remember that our tomorrow is not a given.
It is incumbent upon us to teach our children what hate, zealousness and intolerance looks like.
It is incumbent upon us to praise the Heroes that gave their lives to save others in service.
It is incumbent upon us to never forget.
Acknowledgement: A special thanks to my son, who on our way home from school yesterday told me that he heard on the school morning news session that some crazy dude was thinking about burning the Muslim bible and asked me. “ Isn’t that kinda the same thing the attack on us was about, but in reverse..?”
Copy Editor: Madeline Tanner, blinkoncrime.com
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Thank you for this post, Blink. The fallen will never be forgotten. While we adults struggle with tragedy of this magnitude, the things children say seem to be eerily on the mark, like the words of your son yesterday, and also my daughter on 9-11-01. She is in college now, but then she was in grade school and said to us, “Our country has been hurt”.
Yes it has, as it has never been before or since.
Oh Blink! as the tears go down my face, I am speechless after reading this and I too remember this day oh so well.
I had gone to my youngest sons school after seeing the first plane hit the tower and I got in my car and by the time I got to the school the second plane had hit and there was a TV on in the library and people were just standing there watching in shock.
I feel the anger again just like I did that day.
My life changed also that day and my oldest son had elisted in the Air Force and had gotten thru his school as a crew chief at the time.
I got the worst phone call of my life that day from my son telling me he was going to Afghanistan after Bin Laden. OH I was so damn proud but to tell you the WHOLE truth, I have not been the same since then and half of my heart is in Afghanistan and Iraq as my youngest son went down and enlisted in the ARMY. I am not as STRONG as my sons and it is like it has taken my breath away. I hate HATE, I hate war, I hate the fact that it has to be this way. BUT I LOVE MY COUNTRY and I LOVE THAT MY SONS help to defend our rights as Americans.
Blink please continue to write and share yourself with others as it helps me to do my part from home. God Bless You.
Please thank your boys for their service in defense of our fine land.
I cannot imagine my son making that choice, or me living through it, lol, either, but it is early.
B
Blink, thank you for posting this in remembrance of 9-11. How well I remember that tragic day and the ones that followed. I had worked a twelve hour night shift and had just gone to sleep when my husband called me. I turned on the TV and was watching the news live there and saw the second plane crash into the tower. What a horiffically devestating day. May we never have to go through another one. God bless America!
My Father & Uncle worked in the World Trade Center for 25 years. They were in an elevator during the bomb that went off in 93. I remember being so panicked after hearing the news on the radio while on my way to a class at college at the time. They were fine I later learned, thank God. My Father retired in 95 but I have so many fond memories of visiting him in the towers and of having fancy dinners at “Windows of the World.” I miss seeing the towers when making trips to the city. On 9/11/01, a crystal blue sky none of us will ever forget, I was working at Prudential, a large company based in Holmdel NJ. We all stood around the TV after the first plane hit. No one was working. We all stood watching as the second tower was hit and there were tears, gasps, people dropping down on the floor in agony. These people had relatives there. My heart ached for them. It was the most surreal experience of my life. We were all told to go home after the second plane hit. I could see smoke in the air, even from Holmdel, as I raced down the parkway to get home to a TV. I spent the entire day glued to the TV. The sound of bodies slamming against what was left of the building will haunt me forever. I was scared I was angry I was confused. I was dating a Federal Agent at the time and I tried reaching him desperately on the phone wondering if he was ok. Later that evening he called to say he was ok but told me that the plane in PA had been shot down by the US. I always wondered about that. I will always remember 9/11/01 and my fond memories of the towers. My thoughts and prayers to all the victims and their families as well as the LEO’s and Fire Fighters.
While I was researching images for this piece, I ran across the infamous “jumper” images.
Personally, I think they should be destroyed, at least the identifiable ones. There are a few that undoubtedly a family member recognized them and that is horrific for anyone to see.
Yes, that sound stays with me to this day. I was in room with some of the most advanced technical imaging people around so as things were unfolding they were zooming and editing and it was unreal.
B
Blink
very touching thanks for sharing this with us. I have tears running down my face thinking about that day. I was sound asleep and could bearly hear my phone ring! it was my daughter teling me to hurry and turn my t.v on because we had just been attacked with planes flying into the world trade centers. I remember the fear and shock that overtook me it. I remember being scared beyond measure thinking were facing the end of the world!God help us!Than When all the airports ceased flights! I became more convinced . My ex husband(god rest his soul) had just been to new york on business and had been in the world trade center. He brought to me a knitted banner red, white, and blue with the words across it! REMEMBER 9-1-1
A few years ago we had a hero’s welcome for my nephew whom was a green beret special forces. He was deployed to afghanistan! while there he escaped death three times! my brother and his wife(the parents) went through so much fear and torment the whole time he was there! he was in the midst of hell itself.
1st mission
he was riding in a humbee it flipped with three of his fellow soldiers. They were drowning he was loosing conciousness! he said he felt a tug near him and seen his fellow soldier snap his seat belt loose and pushed him into an air pocket! only survivor my nephew! His wife was pregnant and later named their son trevor after his best friend the one I mentioned who loosened his seatbelt and pushed him into an air pocket. (only survivor)
2nd mission
He was driving a tanker! when his sargant hollered out to him lets switch places I will drive! releuctantly he complied! they were attacked! switching places saved his life his sargant died in the explosion. HE was (only survivor)
3rd mission
He was standing near an afghan man when all of a sudden there was a loud explosion! the guy had a bomb strapped to him! my nephew survived but still has strepenol in his body! the explosion knocked all his teeth out. He was flown to germany! after recovering he wanted to return like in his precious incidents! but was sent home instead.
one of the reasons (amongst many)that he was given a heroes welcomed was because on one other mission of many!while were being attacked! he carried a few men to safety and hid between the shadows of the big plane (the enemy was near by shooting)as to not be seen he saved several lives that day
! thats just one incient of many he was given the purple heart twice and other commendations.
for his homecoming the city provided a stretch limo to transport him from my mothers house(his grandmother) to the event site. the limo was followed by at least thirty motorcycles members of a group of vetans called the blue knights. the limo and all the bikes sported an american flag. My nephew told us that as they drove down city streets people were lined up saluting, men talking their hats off and saluting him. My nephew is a very humble man and at that moment he said he felt such emotion at seeing this out pouring of respect. the mayor attended the festivities and over all it was a special day and time to honor him for his dedication to our country.
OK back to my ex being in new york a week before the attack on the trade center! my x brought me back that banner and at my nephews welcome home party I presented him with the banner! telling him this was a reminder of why we had 9-1-1 he cried.
not a dry eye in that building that day.
blink
your story realy touched my heart and reminded me of the torment of that tragic day and all those innocent people jumping out of buildings and those that never made it and were trapped inside. god bless our country and the brave men that have given their lives as a result.
god bless america
for those that lost their lives that fatal day
rest in peace.
That is a memory that I remember in exquisite detail. One of the big bosses with the company I worked for at the time casually mentioned that a plane flew into the towers…I started arguing with him that it was impossible. Later on break we were all walking by a sporting goods store that had a huge screen in their display window we all stopped and the second plane hit as we stood there watching. This was not far from Dulles Airport and all sorts of rumors were flying…I was part of a visual crew remodeling a department store and retail management being as fickle and self-centered as it is were all outraged that the building was shut down….didn’t the world know how important this store opening was?? (sarcasm)
For the next few months company management to vendors of bra companies there was total disconnect about the enormity of what had happened to how it affected business. The concern was all about the dollar amount and little for the victims…individual and country.
Thank you Blink for writing about such a horrific and memorable day and sharing your personal experience. At that time I was doing home health visits, and had just pulled up to a home. My husband called to tell me a plane had crashed into one of the towers, suspecting an accident. By the time I got inside, things were changing rapidly. The home I was visiting was that of a firefighter and his wife. Needless to say, we did more tv watching than treating. When the first tower fell, I got so upset, I had to retreat into their bathroom. I kept saying, how sorry I was, that I was from NY, and knew many people that worked in the city. Fortunately, I knew noone directly. Calling long distance to NY that day & night, with the repeated message- ‘your call cannot be dialed due to tornados in the area.’ I will never forget it.
my husband is FDNY. He called me to say he was heading to the towers…before the 2nd plane hit, before we knew we were under attack, before our lives changed forever. I did not pick my kids up from school- I didn’t know how to tell them that I hadn’t heard from daddy. Thankfully at 3:35 pm my husband and a number of his men were able to locate a phone in an adjacent building and got a dial tone!! Our wait was over but many of our friends and co-workers would not be so lucky. 9 years later I still cannot get through this day without falling apart. I wonder when that will stop?? God Bless all the souls lost that day, those they left behind and God Bless America.
I cannot imagine.
Thank you for sharing and please tell your husband thank you for his service.
B
Smythe
please include me in those thanks!! god bless him and his service to our country. I cannot imagine being a relative to anyone that was so close in proximity to that day.
Thank you, Blink, for this piece to remember those lost on 9-11!
Just want to say: Rest in peace Rich Guadagno, who was on Flight 93. I hiked “your” memorial trail today at the Baskett Slough Wildlife Refuge. It was a beautiful day and Maggie was there with flowers…RIP
Blink:
Just trying to give you a head’s up and say thank you for sharing your story.
It was and continues to be a tough day for everyone.
Much love and peace.
your friend.
Earlier this week, I was watching a segment on Shepard Smiths show, about the new towers and the Memorial going up. I suddenly was transported to that horrible day 9 years ago and completely lost it thinking of the agony of all those that lost their lives that day and their loved ones.
My 12 year old Son entered the room, seeing me crying( a rare occurance), says” it’s years ago mom get over it-move on”
I told him. I will never get over it, as any American that lived out that tragedy won’t either. It is a feeling that cannot be fully put into words for our next generation. The feeling of never being safe on our own shores again,our full trust in mankind gone, our innocence and our hearts broken into pieces like the rubble from those towers. The faces of grief interwined with bravery on that day. I was never so sad to be an American and I was never so proud.
God bless all the 9/11 families.
Dedicated to those who’s lives were lost on Sept. 11, 2001 and to all who have served this great nation and its people: as Military, Firefighters, EMTs, Police, and all other Public Servants, as well as to civilians heroes, workers, researchers, and others who have acted in behalf of victims of every kind of crime–from personal attacks to acts of war against our great country, its people and welcome guests.
Therefore, this is dedicated to you Blink, your BOC staff, and caring Blinkettes in America and around the world.
9/11 version of God Bless The USA
by Lee Greenwood
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZIApwWq1AU
Lee Greenwood: God Bless The USA (w/Lyrics)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-9_fDEsv-Q
God Bless The USA
by Lee Greenwood
If tomorrow all the things were gone,
I’d worked for all my life.
And I had to start again,
with just my children and my wife.
I’d thank my lucky stars,
to be livin here today.
‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can’t take that away.
And I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.
From the lakes of Minnesota,
to the hills of Tennessee.
Across the plains of Texas,
From sea to shining sea.
From Detroit down to Houston,
and New York to L.A.
Well there’s pride in every American heart,
and its time we stand and say.
That I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.
And I’m proud to be and American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.
Blink:
Thanks to you and your team for being such great victim’s advocates.
Somehow your story touches us all and is needed so that we, in return, may never forget them.
It is very, very, very important to honor and remember the dead and their families left behind!
Sorry for reposting.
Just needed to say thank you again.
Oh. My god. At 7:13 that morning
I thought that the world was ending.
I heard the news on the radio and went to check
the TV and fell to my knees
I had my “9-11″ baby 9 months later
we kept getting sent home from the hospital because too many babes
were being born:)
lol, a Happy Ending I love to hear.
B
On November 22, 1963 I was sitting in 9th grade World History class in the first row, third desk when it was announced on the PA system that President Kennedy had been shot. It’s the thing you never forget.
On September 11, a co-worker heard about the attack on his radio and the rest of the day we watched the news on my computer and I kept calling my husband with every update I heard.
God bless all the families, rescue and military. Your sacrificies will never be forgetten.
One of the things I think as a Nation we are doing really “right” in the 9 years since the attack is including our children in the conversation as it becomes age appropriate. I think they better understand the gravity of it as seen through our experiences coupled with the imagery available.
As I said to Nancy earlier, I really feel for the Mom’s whose young sons are in the military or contemplating that career.
I have decided to try the reverse approach and encourage our son to be an out of work actor.
B
Beautiful post. My thoughts to those families that lost family members and loved ones. It was hard being here on the West coast and not being able to help. Another reminder that life can be changed in a second and to remember to hug and love your loved ones.
Thanks for all the great posts. God Bless the USA !!!!!!!!!!!!
September 11, 2010 at 4:04 pm
I was at work that day at Chesterfield DSS and the girl across the hall from me kept a tiny TV in her “deep drawer”. I came out of my office to go copy some documents and Regina opened her door and motioned me to come in – she was watching when the first reports and she told me a plane had hit the WTC. It was thought it was an accident, but we learned it was an attack. We had tv’s in our client waiting rooms – we shared a building with the health dept. Our waiting rooms were often crowded but all our clients were silent just watching in shock. Then the second plane hit. Somewhere in there came the Pentagon and Shanksville. My daddy used to work at the Pentagon but he was retired, and watching it on tv safe at home. Even the phone calls stopped. Just crowds of people in offices listening to the radio or in the waiting rooms. It was one of those moments where you always remember where you were….22 Nov 1963…7 Dec 1941….and 9/11….Sadly so many of the first responders, police and fire and rescue are ill from breathing all the dust and stuff in the toxic air. Laura Bush and Michelle are attending in the field at Shanksville where Flight 93 went down. Very beautiful place. “Let’s Roll !!!!” What heroes…..
Thanks Minnie- I posted your original post as well.
B
Kiddies were back in school and my husband and I, thanks to a great grandmother and after Labor Day rates, had gone to the beach to celebrate a long anniversary weekend. We were taking one last sight seeing drive before hitting the road for home. It had been a great weekend, the day was beautiful, then the breaking news came, a plane had hit the first tower. My first thought was for the people on the plane and then the ones undoubtedly killed in the building. Never in my most horrific imagination did I expect to hear the news about a 2nd plane. I’ve been scared before for myself, family or friends, but I believe that was the first time I ever really feared for my country. The trip home was the longest 3+ hours, with the reports getting worse and worse, the Pentagon attacked, a plane down in Pennsylvania, an explosion at the State Department (a false report, but the day was so chaotic), the White House evacuated and then the collapse of the towers. I was part of the corporate world then and the company I worked for had several small offices located in lower Manhattan. I never met any of the people who worked in those offices, but was quite familiar with a number of them by phone and e-mail. Thankfully, all I “knew” came through unhurt. I’m a little lax in the prayer department, but on 9/11 I always offer up a prayer for all the victims, their families and friends and for the servicemen and women who protect us each and everyday.
Our family is also a West Coast Family (Oregon) I remember getting up and seeing a spilt screen on the computer, the smoking towers as well as the CIA building. I was confused, it was like I wasn’t awake yet, what was going on with the computer? I remember saying aloud to anyone who was up, “I think something really bad has happened.” My youngest daughter was in first grade, it was very scary for her. We flew frequently to visit relatives, had been to the towers months before. She had a wonderful time looking at the view with her father, pretending to wash the windows, and enjoyed all the activities set up for children. Photo’s of that day were hanging in our home. It was very difficult for a small child to process what had just happened.
I’d just walked in to work for my 6am to 2pm (Pacific) shift as a 911 dispatcher. One of the 24 hour news stations on in the background, couple deputies in the office, everybody chatting, ready for shift change, I was actually looking at the TV the moment it switched.
I said, Oh my God, look.
Someone said, wow, what an accident.
Someone else asked, how did they get that far off course?
I said there will be more.
Reaction: no way, just a crazy accident.
And then the second one.
And with the rest of the country, we waited for more.
I called my home-on-leave spouse. Told him I wasn’t so sure he’d be flying back to base as scheduled the next day, and he’d better try to check in.
He was here several days extra as a result.
We have an 8-yr-old daughter that wouldn’t be here otherwise.
How’d the shift go? Don’t really remember anything, other then making a list of potential targets in our area.
i will never forget the fear and panic of that morning. i called my daughter and son-in-law and told them we were under attack, it was war against the united states. i begged my daughter to come to my home but the city was in lock down and the police would not let anyone leave downtown kansas city. the airport was shut down. people stopped where they were and watched their televisions. it was late in the night before we really knew the gravity and enormity of the attack on america. our country is still reeling. osama bin laden said he would destroy our country by bankrupting us. thank god americans are resilient and strong. we will never give in and we will never give up. thanks and blessings to the families of the first responders who never made it home that day. prayers for those lost in the attack on the world trade center. i will never forget 9/11. it is seared into my brain. thank you, blink, for sharing your story.
Thank you so much for the beautiful post, Blink. One of my colleagues lost his daughter, son-in-law, and young grandchild on one of the flights.
Devestating.
I pray they found comfort in the fact that they went together.
B
On that day, I remember the stillness and silence. It was like every bird was hiding. I remember the panic and shock on peoples faces. The trains weren’t running. Buses stopped running. Cell phones didn’t work or had spotty service at best. I remember people begging me for rides because they had no way to get home, and feeling badly because I didn’t want to leave the only working payphone to drive them. I remember the robotic voice of the phone recording saying ‘all circuits are busy, try again later’ and worrying that there might not be a later. I remember the panic at trying to call my husband at work, and the kids schools to find out if they were ok and not getting through even when the phone rang.
I remember all the police cars outside the school when I went to pick up my son, and the police waving me over telling me to park right in front of the school, and thinking it had to be a serious situation because the cops never let anyone park there. I remember the cop telling me that they’re afraid the school might be a target. I remember a wave of relief at finally seeing my son at the school and then feeling proud and worried about his refusal to leave because his ROTC unit was escorting students downstairs from their classes to be united with their waiting parents.
I remember the waiting. Waiting to hear if my other son made it out of the area alive, waiting to hear if my son in law, the fireman made it out alive, waiting to hear if my neighbor made it out of work alive and the sadness and shock to find out that her floor was where the plane hit. I remember crying for her children because she was all they had. I remember seeing that cloud of dust hovering over, a sobering reminder that my world, and my children’s world is not as safe and secure as I believed.
Most of all I remember the funerals. One after another and the sadness of losing so many people that I knew or those close to me knew.
The tears are streaming down my face as I write about that day. It’s a day I’ll always remember but wish I could forget.
Very nice article. Like you, it is the sky that is forever etched in my memory. I was on a flight that landed in D.C. a few short minutes before the Pentagon crash. I had flown up for a late morning meeting and was to be home well before dinner. I spent the night alone in a hotel room watching tv, crying, and cowering every time I heard a fighter jet take off from the nearby military base. My husband and father drove all night to come and pick me up and I remember how incredibly eerie the still cloudless blue sky seemed with no planes or contrails as we drove home the next day. I also learned to carry a change of underwear and toothbrush with me everywhere no matter how long I think I’m going to be gone.
I don’t live anywhere near NY but even 3000 miles away people were shaking in their boots when the days events began to unfold. I was pulling into the parking garage of my office when I heard the first bit on the radio. They were still thinking it was an accident and calling it a small plane. By the time I made it into my office (on the 36th floor of a Houston high-rise) it was obvious from the pictures on the msn.com homepage that 1) this was no small plane and 2) this was certainly not an accident. As much as I would have preferred to see and read this news in the privacy of my own office, internet traffic was so heavy (no doubt from overloaded serves trying to keep up with demand for info) that we started gathering around the big screen in our conference room to see the coverage life. Looking back now, it was so bizarre for our group, most of whom had only ever interacted with each other on a professional level, become SO personally vulnerable to the emotions we were feeling as we took in the images before us. The disbelief scribbled across the faces of the men in the room, followed quickly by what I recognized as fear, made a more realistic impression on me than the first 30 minutes of coverage did. TV coverage from a place thousands of miles away, being hosted by people who I had never met still left me hoping for the possibility that this was not real. But to look into the faces of those I had worked with for years, and to know that they too were seeing what I was seeing forced me to realize that this was no dream. This was no joke. This was happening to real people and it was happening right this second. And it didn’t matter that it was half way across the country either. We were scared, we were horrified and we felt powerless to help those being affected directly. By 9 am or so with news of the Pentegon being attacked, many of us were too afraid to be anywhere but with our families. The line to pick up students at just about every school was very long and took over an hour to get through. Once my daughter was safely in the car I realized I had not prepared an answer to the many questions she must have had about this blatant interruption in her routine. She was only 6 but even if she’d been older, I hadn’t been able to wrap my own mind around it yet, much less explain anything to someone else. The next day we all went back to school and work but it was quite some time before anything felt okay again, even from way down here. I remember how surprised I was at the distinct reduction in noise since there was a ban on all air traffic for at least a few days but that silence only reinforced what I had stepped away from the television to get away from.
My heart goes out to not just the families who lost loved ones, but anyone and more importantly everyone who suffered losing someone they cared about due to the days events. I am 33 years old and this is definitely the biggest event to touch my generation and I pray there will never be another day like it. But the images that emerged over the next several weeks of people across the nation, no matter their age, their color, their financial status, etc. all coming together in shock, in grief and also in compassion and unity sent me a very clear message. It gave me hope for this nation and most importantly, hope for mankind and our strength in the face of adversary.
I have to say I’m on the boat with the out of work actor idea for my kiddo…although I greatly honor those who serve.
Seriously, I feel like lots of people let 9/11 slip by, so thank you for the post.
thank you blink again for allowing us to open our hearts and memories of that day!
Thank you so very much, Blink, for the beautiful post. One of my colleagues lost his daughter, son-in-law and grandchild on one of the flights. For as long as I live, I will never forget that day and all the lives that were forever changed.
Grace-
I remember that day like it was just yesterday. I had gotten up and was getting ready for work. My brother came running up the stairs and told me to turn on the tv that a plane had just hit the first tower. We also like everyone else thought it was an accident. Then the second one hit and my World felt like it had fallen off from under me. I had to go to work as I was alone in the office at that time. As soon as I opened the door I ran to my computer, fired it up and opened the video program. Thank goodness they were running it live for all of us to watch. I still couldn’t believe what I was watching. I was there about an hour when we got the message to shut down and go home. I work in the stock market. They had no idea how long we would be closed. We could only pray that the money we held for our clients wouldn’t all be lost.
When I got home I turned on the TV and couldn’t seem to move. It broke my heart as I heard how many they felt had lost their lives. Then to hear what had happened on Flight 93. I cried for days not knowing how this country would ever recover from that great horror.
I know this is the Greatest Country on Earth. We would not be who we are without those who have given their lives for all of us. I have waited for the day I hear that they have finally located and have Obama Binladen in custody. I only fear that isn’t going to happen.
May God stay in our country to watch over all those who serve.
Blink I don’t know how you got thru that. I would have just stayed in the suburbs.
To all those who had loved ones that were lost that day God Bless You!
Thanks for sharing your story Blink.
We as Americans should always remember this day and honor all those who lost their life in this senseless attack by muslim terriosts.
And a Special thanks to all those who were first responders who paid the ultimate sacrifice in trying to take care of their brothers and sisters in need.
When I heard the reports I was at school preparing to teach a trumpet class. I thought this is the second time in my lifetime that the United States has been attacked. I immediately visualized the scene in our neighborhood on Sunday Dec. 7th 1941 where all the people were out of their houses expressing their outrage at what had happened.
The more we learned the worse it became. Finally I could stand it no more. I went to the center of the band hall, trumpet in hand, and blew the loudest high C that the others directors had ever heard. It rattled the windows in all the practice rooms and the office. They asked why the note and I told them it was my primal scream for the injustice we were witnessing.
Yes, we as AMERICANS should ALWAYS remember this day.
Blink,
Gotta watch the unemployed actor career choice for your son. My son was almost 16 when this happened and was determined to join the military as soon as he was of age. He had a car accident the summer before his senior year of HS and almost died, his military career that he wanted was over. He recovered, graduated HS and finished a 4 yr degree at Universtity of Louisville in 3 years. To this day though I can see the look on his face when he thinks about 9-1-1. I can’t help but think part of him thinks he let his country down by not being able to “do” something. That’s a hard thing for a mom to see on her son’s face.
As for getting rid of the pics and audio of those jumping off those buildings….no. Never get rid of that. That HAPPENED…no amount of not showing those pics, or getting rid of those pics is EVER gonna make that go away. Keep them, don’t display them, but keep them to remind all of us what “choice” some radical extremist gave one of our citizens of the United States. Never forget.
I believe strongly that some men are born for a military career, absolutely. My Father served our country and my Poppa was a decorated WWII Marine. If you caught “The Pacific” you saw him. While this was obviously way before my time, I personally believe that background helps to shape men to be strong leaders of their family. That said, they were also very influenced by strong Mothers. I have a pic of my Poppa walking in the door of his family home, returning from war, and the embrace of his Mother (my GGGM) and the joy of the faces of his family is something I cherish.
As you know the men were overseas months longer than expected with no contact with their family, and he was presumed dead. He enlisted because his older brother did, and he was certain he would get himself killed, lol. He was a month into his freshman year at Duke where he was on a full scholarship for football.
When I was a child I would sleep over at their house as often as my parents would allow, and I would fake sleep on the couch or open the grate in the floor over the Living Room and eavesdrop on the amazing stories he and my Gram would share all evening. If I had not, I can honestly say I would never have heard a syllable about what he went through, what he endured, and the haunting of it all.
He had trunks of memorabilia, pics, and everytime I was there I would pour over them again and again. As I am writing this, I can recall the order in which they fit in each container.
He passed when I was 24 years old, and the only time I ever heard him start to open up to me about his service was one eve when I was home from school and visiting with a bf. The bf asked him a war related question and he started to answer about coming down the hill and having his best friend shot to pieces within feet of him, and he never really understood how God decided who lived and died, as his friend, in his opinion, was a better man than he.
With that, my Gram put her hand on his arm and said “I think that is enough.”
I was finally going to hear what I craved since my childhood and she shut him down in a nano second.
I knew why. I didn’t care. They did not want me to know the dark side of what happens to a soldier. They did not want me to know what I already knew from my Mom and my Aunt, that what he had been through made him a hard-ass husband and father at times.
I am sharing this because from my perspective, that is what I would fear most for my child, that the possibility of the son I know does not come back at all, or comes back very wounded on the inside.
All this aside, I am well aware that if he chose that career, I would support him fully, and cry myself to sleep every eve he was away.
I could not have more respect for the Mothers of sons that serve. God Bless.
B
Blink,
Thank you for sharing what I have no word for.
Love,
Word Girl
Thank You WG, considering the subject matter we investigate and cover here, I am not sure why, but this was the hardest piece to write for me.
B
Thanks Blink for sharing your story….very moving…and thanks for placing my post where it belongs. MP
Sept 11, 2001 was one of the scariest days of my life. I was at home alone, getting dressed watching the news and saw the first plane hit the WTC. My husband was at work at the Border Patrol, our two youngest sons were at school and our oldest son who had just graduated from Air Force basic training had the day before gotten to another base to start technical training. Like everyone else, at first I thought it was an accident that the plane had flown into the WTC but then when the second plane hit, it all became clear that something much worse was happening.
By the time the Pentagon was hit I began to really panic and I was really worried about our oldest son as I thought military bases could be targets and I had no way to contact him or know what was happening where he was. I finally was able to get my husband at work by phone and he said that the Border Patrol facility was on lock down and that the perimeter was being patrolled by military carrying machine guns.
I wanted to go fetch our youngest boys from school but the local news was advising parents not to, that it was better for them to stay there. I was glued to the TV all day until I was able to go get the boys from school. Once they were back home I felt better but was worried still about my husband and older son. Where we live there are 3 very vital military bases and I felt that our area was like a big target for terrorists. Our oldest son was finally able to call us but only briefly to say that he and all the other “newbies” were on lock down and were all huddled in some underground bunker but that they were OK. Very much later my husband was able to get home.
I learned later that a friend who lived in New York a block from the WTC was OK but that he and his wife and daughter had to stay somewhere else for a long time because the building where they lived was coated in ashes and debris. One of my cousins who works near the Pentagon was also OK and said that she had been on here way to work when the plane hit but that had she left home earlier as she had wanted to, she would have probably been there when it hit.
It was the first time in our lives that we had seen such unity of our country and it was hard not to cry over everything we heard and saw on TV or read in the newspaper for the next few months. It was the first time in my life that I felt a real connection to every American.
I did not mention this in the piece, because he was unharmed, but very close friends of ours brother office was leveled in the Pentagon. Had he been in it, he would have been killed as well.
B
When I signed on this morning, I had no ideas I would be in tears but here I am, bawling my eyes out as I remember the emotions of the day.
I too have a 12yo child and I remember feeling so scared for her and her future, knowing that the lives we have known to this point will never be the same. I recall going through all of the phases of grief-the anger, denial, and pain, all within such a short period of time as the second plane hit, word of other planes being hijacked, and the eventual falling of the towers.
Like Blink, I left work and hit the grocery store. I lived in PA but worked in NJ an hour or so from NYC. I remember thinking I had to get across the bridge to PA, to get home to my family as soon as possible in case it were closed. I would have tried to swim the river at that point if I had to.
There were so many people within my community that lost their life or a loved one on 9/11. So many firefighter/emt friends who got into their vehicles and headed to the city that day, not even thinking about their own personal safety. Friends in the military, national guard, who were a part of the clean up. And sadly, I had regular contact with one of the medical examiners of the city-I do not know how he could do his job day in and day out, but I was happy to give him his martini when I saw him. He needed it.
The levels and layers of shock and disbelief as subsequent events came to light. The eery silence without planes.
I am thankful that my daughter was too young to understand it-it was almost too horrific for me to fathom as well. And even though this happened in her lifetime, I pray she will never experience anything like this ever again.
God Bless those that lost their lives that day….the heroes, the victims, and the innocents.
Thanks Blink for the reminder.
I forgot to mention in my first post that our oldest son who was brand new to the Air Force on 9-11-2001 has just recently been given a rarely given on the spot “step promotion” by the Air Force for his actions in Haiti earlier this year. In 2001 he was on a base in Texas and now he’s at McGuire AFB in New Jersey, not that far from the events of 2001.
Albemarle County is home for the National Ground Intelligence Center. There are probably other such installations in other parts of the country but NGIC had just in the last year or so before 9/11 moved from an office building in downtown Charlottesville to a large, new facility less than a mile, as the crow flies, from my sister’s home. As we were coming home, I can remember, probably thinking very irrationally, that it could be a prime target if the attacks moved beyond New York, PA, DC and Northern Virginia (the Pentagon.) That facility worked 24/7 for months after the attacks. I don’t care the time of night, the building was always so brightly lit. Even now, 9 years later, I always check the building out to see if there are an unusual number of lights late at night. When the building seems to be in its quiet mode, I feel that all is well, at least for that night. Small things in the days immediately following the attack made you aware of just how much had changed in just a few short hours. My sister said the one thing she noticed was the silence from our local airport. Having lived close to it for 15 years, she had become use to the sound of the planes and did not even realize there was a continuous sound that originated there, until the airport went silent for the 3 or 4 days that all planes were kept out of the air. She said that she still enjoys the muted sounds from the airport when she is in her yard because it was so eiry when that sound went silent.
9/11 contains so many mixed emotions for me, as it does for so many others. While fear and uncertainty permeated the air across the entire nation that day, it was also a day of hesitant joy for my then-husband and I as we prepared to watch our as-yet-unborn son, now eight, on my first-and-only ultrasound though we did not know if the doctor’s office would even be open that afternoon. It was almost surreal to realize that even as the world wondered if we would survive through that day, I was carrying new life within me.
A few days later, my then-husband, who was and is a city firefighter with specialized training, got the call to join a task force which would be part of the Ground Zero team of LE and FF personnel. I begged him to decline based on my pregnancy, and to this day I am occasionally overwhelmed with something of a displaced “survivor’s guilt,” as I know that he did not accept the voluntary mission based on my insistence that he stay with me and our unborn child. I am eternally grateful to all of those men and women who did accept the call and pray that if the future deems it necessary, I react with a bit more selflessness in my maturity.
Thanks you for yet another amazing piece, Blink.
Blink-
I avoid the news on 9/11, it brings up too many hard, hard memories for me. Your piece was amazing though, and I’m glad I came here today to read it.
I was in NYC on that day, my (now)ex husband and I had traveled from Portland to NYC for our honeymoon. We had landed at the Newark airport on 9/9/01 and had checked into our hotel (the Marriottat the airport) and traveled into the city (being dropped off and picked up at the WTC) on 9/10/01. I always view this day with mixed emotions. It’s hard to have a feeling of gratitude and a remembrance of those people who we were able to bond with, coupled with an extreme amount of pain and a helpless feeling to this day.
I remember the people on the ground, covered in dust, soot and blood. What I remember the most, and what still to this day, causes me pause, is the noise. I can’t hear a plane overhead without looking and gauging it’s trajectory. I’m getting to the point where I’m no longer certain everyone of them is flying too low, so I guess that’s a good thing.
I just want to thank the people in NYC, of Newark and of the surrounding area. I was a 25 year old CHILD when I landed on the 9th, and I left the following week a changed person (I don’t think I can still claim adulthood). I saw the worst in people and the best in people in the same time frame. People cared about each other. People we didn’t even know were concerned about us and we cared about them as well.
Thank you again for your piece and the chance to share our stories.
Wow.
Agreed on the plane, I get a twitch in my left eye if I see a F-16 in the sky.
When I was back a week later, they were still on air patrol and it was restricted airspace commercially.
It was eerie to see them in between the buildings and very loud.
B
Here in Portland Or I was asleep when my husband started yelling
to watch TV
I thought it was some old movie at first
Thank You so much for you account of what it was like
I watched the History channel yesterday and it had some pics I had never
seen and personal accounts
Thanks Blink
God Bless the USA
LOL an out of work actor?… lol You better stop what you are doing as your kids are already heading towards a life of service from watching momma… hehe
My son had me embroider something for him to put it in a frame on my wall ( I keep it on my HERO’s wall) It says:
Because sacrifice is part of who I am and
who I was meant to be.
“here I am, send me”
Isaiah 6:8
I have always been a volunteer, generous and kind to people and always helped and hung around the “under dog? and GUESS WHAT?
Now both of my sons are full of service. hehe so be careful what you teach them as it will come back to smack you in the face.. hehe
Such a sad, horrible day.
I too remember the deep blue sky that day, even though my sky was thousands of miles away from New York. The sadness, the shock, the fear, and the sky connected us all.
It seems to me, that there has never been another blue sky, quite like that one. Almost as if, on that day, with the tragedy, the sky lost some of its color.
Thank you to all the service men and women. My prayers to you and your families. Peace to all.
Today, I decided that my 12 year old was old enough to know. He was just 3 when it happened and we kept him occupied in one room while we sobbed watching the news in another. We went to lunch and I told him about that day. He knew some of it, but only a few things. A couple of years ago we visited the Smithsonian for a field trip. There is a girder there from the towers, and I explained a little, but not much. So today I told him about how scary it was. How, all I wanted to do was hold him in my arms as I raced to his preschool to pick him up.
Tonight, we watched 102 minutes from the History Channel. It still brings tears to my eyes. I watched my 12 year old watch it and see the events unfolding for the first time. I held his hand during parts, and asked if he was okay, and wanted to continue.
We cannot forget the events of that day. Thank you for all those who serve our country to protect us from experiencing another day like that.
I don’t normally comment, usually just read. But I wanted to thank you for the post Blink. I don’t think any American will ever forget the horror of that day. I worked for a major airline and when the planes hit, remember all airplanes in the air were told to land at the nearest airport or be shot down. We had many planes with children flying alone (under 12 yrs old). Many were 5yrs or so old. Those flights had to land where they were. So many children unaccompanied were stranded in strange cities, with hysterical parents all over the country. Many flight attendants, pilots, crew members adopted a child temporarily. They kept them as if they were their own until flights could resume. I can’t even imagine how worried those parents were- until someone notified them. We worked non stop for a couple of days trying to reassure and re schedule the flights.
I remember driving down the road feeling really exposed and vulnerable because my convertible top was down. I really thought that every city was going
to have an event and even in my isolated midwestern state, I didnt feel safe, as if a piece of debris from somewhere would come careening into my car at any moment.
Searcher, You’ve brought tears to my eyes because parents all over the country had the same experience. Very small kids and how to explain what had just happened. We were traveling and arrived back in time to pick up our kids from their pre-school. Because all of the kids were so young, they had been told nothing about what had happened. The decision had been made that it should be left to the parents to tell the children what they thought was appropriate. I cannot imagine how their teachers managed to function all day as if nothing had happened. I don’t remember exactly what we told our kids that night, but we did our best not to make it sound as if they were in danger.
Another story that still brings tears to my eyes, along with so many, is the story from Gander, Newfoundland. United States air space was closed. We had planes in the air over the Atlantic, many too far away from land to return to their departure sights. I didn’t know the full story until I say a documentary hosted by Tom Brokaw. Gander has a population of about 10,000. On 9/11, 39 flights heading for the United States with 7,000 passengers, now with no place to go, landed in this small town. The people of Gander opened their homes to total strangers, providing them with food, clothes and comfort until our airports re-opened and would accept nothing from the passengers in the way of pay. I think I remember that some of the passengers later, established a scholarship fund for the children of Gander in thanks for their kindness. Terrible evil happened on 9/11, but so much good happened not just in America that day when our citizens gave back to each other, but all over the world. The men who hijacked those planes and killed almost 3000 people did not win on 9/11.
As a Nascar fan – when the fighter planes, jets, carriers etc. do their flyover during the Star Spangled Banner – I can not describe the chills and tears that take over your body at that moment. I would like to think about the towers with soooooooo many guardian angels standing out on the roads waiting to help their charges with soooooooo much love. Thanks Blink – we needed this! We will ALWAYS need this! My son lost 200 lbs and went into the Georgia National Guard. He made it at the ripe age of 40. He went to Afghanistan brcause of 9-11. I remember him calling me from there and telling me – Mom- all these people want is what we have -peace!!