Blink on Crime Exclusive: The Lovely Bones Suzie Salmon
Norristown, PA– ..” My name is Salmon, like the fish..”
In honor of this Fridays premier of the film, The Lovely Bones; a screenplay adaptation of the New York Times Bestselling novel by Alice Sebold, I bring you an interview with it’s deceased heroine.
Fictional fourteen year old rape and murder victim, Suzie Salmon, spoke fictionally to blinkoncrime about her break out role:
“I would rather be attending my High School with Ruth and Ray, but Holly and I have infinity edition Cosmopolitan here..”
With regard to it’s subject matter, this is the single most emotion invoking book I have ever read. I am not talking about the many publications that I have devoured that have shaped my Blink Gumbie.
I am talking about my awakening as a new Mother, to the atrocities that I needed to protect my children from.
I had no idea.
I used Deft, had plastic thingies in all my outlets, an alarm system and obnoxious monitors in the nursery. I was good to go.
Right?
I read THE LOVELY BONES over a snowed-in weekend when it was released in 2002.
The effects of the jolt to my rural ignorance remain.
The story about the rape and murder of Suzie, and her subsequent observations of her afterlife and “realtime” observation of her families despondency in dealing with her loss, is, raw. Raw-est.
Luckily, and that is no play on words for Ms. Sebolds freshman offering of “Lucky”; her first novel in which she recounts her own sexual assault, is “raw– lite” in it’s movie form in comparison.
Peter Jackson, the films director, chose in the novels adaptation to exclude the specifics, or overt references to Ms. Salmon’s actual fate.
While I struggle with the comforting, lingering angst that perhaps allows me to suggest in some fictional way it did not happen; I think it blurs the message of the young lady who ultimately wanted to be called Susan.
Non-spoiler alert: That pedophile builds an underground hut to murder a child. She was too polite to refuse the adult who wanted to show her “his work.” She is not his first, or last victim.
They never are. The neighbors dog found Suzies elbow.
Although I think the film is brilliantly cast, I am not thrilled from an awareness perspective that the truth about Suzie’s demise is glossed over.
That said, I think there is enough hype surrounding this work that the message will get out to the same demographic it has now insured a ticket.
The fact is, over the last year I have covered true crime, I am sad to say I have many Suzie Salmons in our collective pocket.
Our Suzies to date, who are the reason I am doing this article, below:
Haleigh Cummings
Sunny Sandra Cantu
Nevaeh Buchanan
Sarah Foxwell
Somer Thompson
..” There was nothing anyone could have done. Nobody knew he was evil and would hurt young girls..”
-Suzie as conveyed to Blink
Everyone says that. In Suzie’s case, I would agree the resources may not have been available. For that, I will direct you to my editors choice reading selections:
The Gift of Fear… by Gavin DeBecker
Protecting The Gift.. by Gavin DeBecker
The Looking Glass ..The Lovely Bones Set, and donations to NCMEC !
In this limited edition boxed set, The Lovely Bones appears for the first time with a special companion volume, Looking Glass. This unique work integrates images of missing children with the opening chapters of The Lovely Bones, providing a powerful visual experience and honoring the thousands of children who go missing every year. Many of these children are recovered quickly, but others are still out there waiting, and the search continues. Alice Sebold is proud to support the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, an organization working to prevent child abductions, find missing children, and ultimately to bring them home.
A dedication: To Ken Lanning. The dedication you have shown in your career to our children is unprecedented. I am not sure I will ever publish our interview, I will however use the knowledge as best I can.
My profound thanks for your time and observance. That was the most haunting and enlightening time I have ever spent personally or professionally.
Resources for Parents to be better informed of your childs’ neighborhood:
Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Registry
Suzie-
I pray every time it will be the last for these babies. Anything you could do would be huge.
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Great post, Blink.
You know, I look back on my kids’ childhoods and I realize that thought I did all I should to meet their needs, I didn’t take certain steps that now, later in life, I should have taken to ensure their protection. Luckily nothing bad happened to them because of my of this oversight on my part.
Parents should know where the sexual offenders live relative to their homes, their children’s schools, and their children’s friends’ homes. It was something (I guess because I was in such a rural environment and such a small community) that never crossed my mind. Not until something happened closed to home while my daughter was in her teen years (an incident unrelated to a registered sex offender) that made me realize where I had been remiss in being fully aware of the existing dangers to my children as they grew to adulthood.
Thanks Valhall. My guess is is you are of the majority. I did not have missing classmates and I did not know anyone this happened to growing up; so I would say my parents would probably fall in the same category.
I was allowed to walk and ride my bike to friends that could have landed me in a similar cornfield.
What I am hopeful for is that a piece like this, helps to remind us as parents that as unpleasant at it is; these are conversations that MUST be had in order to protect our children.
B
Thank You Blink for all your hard work.
TY
B
Wow, I too had read The Lovely Bones when it was first published . I had never read anything like it , I could not put it down and since the murder of little Caylee I have often thought back to that book and wondered too what must Caylee be thinking from heaven watching her family here?
Blink, thank you for bringing this to my attention.
YW. Will you do me a favor and send it to someone you think could benefit from reading it?
TY
B
The Lovely Bones also made a huge impression on me also. I was always the one telling my son to be polite to everyone all the time. After my daughter was born in 2000, I read this book. It was like a lightbulb was turned on for me. How many times throughout my life had I been in situations where it “just didn’t feel right”? Many times. That clicked for me and I now tell my daughter when she is not with her family that she does not need to be polite when she has a “feeling” that something is amiss. I told her it may not come to her exactly what is wrong and in all honesty by the time it does, it may be too late. I tell her that is her gut instinct telling her to get out of a situation she is in. It is tricky teaching children the balance between politeness and self preservation, but the latter wins out always! As always Blink, thanks for doing what you do. BTW, my copy of the Gift of Fear is in the mail, and I’ve informed my nieces ages 20 and 22 they will being giving me a book report when they are done reading it!
Thank you, Blink
I gave “The Gift of Fear” to my daughter for Christmas, as did many of your readers. I will also purchase this book.
I just wanted to thank you for this article — and mostly for putting the faces of all of these children up. It breaks my heart when I look at them all. Once again, I am brought to tears.
We need to do something to stop this.
Thank you for caring so much.
Hi Blink – “The Lovely Bones” – I’ve read it twice, and passed it around to friends: girl friends and guy friends. My sister and I are going to see the movie Friday night. Since be coming somewhat addicted to your site, I am sure I will view the movie in a completely different (heartbreaking) light. We all owe you a big heartfelt thanks for your dedication to trying to make things right for all these little ones.
God Bless you and your family. I bought the audiobook a few weeks ago. It is narrated by Ms. Sebold.
Amazing.
B
It’s always important for us to remember that the monsters aren’t always registered–or even known, as was the case with Suzie Salmon.
My neighbor Tammy Gwaltney is the Director of the Southeast (Missouri) Network Against Sexual Violence. Her local blog at http://www.semissourian.com/blogs/gwaltney/entry/32421/ brings up the issue of the extreme caution in this very different world in which our children grow up. And she cautions that “assuming” a person of social standing is ok, i.e. “pedestalizing” them, is one of the dangers we must take into consideration. Not to fear everything (as Gavin DeBecker also states in his excellent book Gift of Fear)but to KNOW what can happen, to be aware.
She writes, “Child sexual abuse is something that no one wants to believe happens; and no one wants to believe that teachers, pastors, priests, civic leaders, scout leaders, coaches, etc. would do these things. But, they do and the best thing that the community can do to protect kids is KNOW that abuse happens and those who we believed were good guys and good gals commit these acts.
The very fact that we have put people on pedestals is what allows them unchecked access to kids.
“Even when our gut tells us something isn’t right or allegations or rumors arise, we look the other way. Why is that? Will that make the abuse stop? No. Will that protect the child/children being abused? No. Will it stop the offender from hurting the next child? No. Then why? Why don’t we want to face the truth? I think it is because we are so hoping it isn’t the truth, or like most things if we ignore it it will go away, or it isn’t our child so it is none of our business. These are just excuses to do nothing and by doing nothing kids are getting hurt and abusers create more and more victims. Abusers are counting on your willingness to believe in their public persona vs. their private actions so they can continue their abusive ways.
“Sometimes people are different behind closed doors then they are in public. And people who abuse kids don’t do it in front of an audience. Think about it.
“So who can you trust with your kids? For those of us who work in the field of child abuse that answer is NO ONE, well almost no one. Our children lead very different lives then most children. Our kids have limited places where they are allowed to spend the night, they know lots of safety rules and procedures, they know what is and is not acceptable from adults, they know to tell if ANYONE crosses the line of appropriate interactions with them. Neither us nor our children are paranoid, but we are cautious and live life with eyes wide opened.”
Very Important Comment, thank you.
B
Bravo Blink. I especially liked the way you remind us that this is so much more than just another movie. Brilliant interview with Suzy, Blink. Thank you for the reminder that there are many innocents that need our protection and our continued awareness of the dangers that exist. Thanks
And thanks so much for all you do, Blink. Important blogs like yours are the new “Barn Building,” where all the cyber-neighbors can get together, get to work, construct something meaningful. You’re a tribal leader!
TY, we are the sum of our parts.
B
Thanks Blink.
In following so many of these cases through the years I myself could no longer stand by and observe. I recently entered college again to dedicate the next chapter of my life to helping on the front lines. Having long known I possessed a gift to help others, that gift needs to be put to the most practical use. I implore others who also share this passion to return to school and join the ranks of agencies who need passionate people to assist in missing persons cases.
Recently, I spoke w/ 2 officers who stated “Working on missing persons cases doesn’t pay the bills.” Their hearts are not in it. It is at times a seemingly impossible task. For most of us here, it does not pay our bills either, yet we labor over released details and research what is available. We are in essence, a “citizens militia.” in the terms of “Defense activity or service, to protect a community, its territory, property, and laws.” Conversely, I have also spoken with a few in LE who are incredibly passionate. We need more people with this passion we possess in the branches of law enforcement,law-making and the interpretation thereof.
I thought it impossible for myself to return to college at my age, but in recognition of my talents and passions, there is no other choice. For me, I know I MUST do this. I leave Corporate America to help make American a better, safer place to live. In looking at a recent missing persons case on how poorly it was handled I realized, I must get involved. If policies do not make sense, I will work to change them. For each missing persons case I can bring more awareness to, I will.
To all who help the missing by your selfless efforts and research, I am truly in awe and thanks for the dedication you show. It is you who have inspired me. Staying involved here or joining a branch of service that can make a difference, it’s all good. There are some things regular citizens can do that LE cannot. It all creates an energy that is needed to bring light to the darkness.
FYI: Jane Valez-Mitchell is doing a show on human trafficking on Thursday. Finally, main stream media talking about the “war on women and children.”
Namaste
You made me cry again, Blink.
Sorry, I know.
B
I loved the book SO MUCH!! I’ve passed it around to four other people in the last year and bought another copy as a gift to a friend. I’ve heard other less than flattering reviews of the film however. I will go see it even though I’m pretty sure it’s going to be a letdown.
Anyway. My daughter & son-in-law have just recently begun to let my granddaughters, (ages almost ten and eight) walk to and from their school every day. Even though they live in a “nice” part of town, the school is two blocks from their home and there is always a crossing guard to help them cross the street, I still get little cold chills thinking of what could possibly happen. We have a very close family and I have an excellent relationship with them. I’ve marveled at just how wonderfully they have raised the girls into two independent little people who lead a busy life, very little TV and computer time, many varied interests, etc. Never had daycare as my daughter chose to not work until they were in school even though it meant they were dirt poor for awhile.
BUT . . . on this one subject we do not agree. They think I’m over-protective & morbid (although they would never use those words). Although they are not naive enough to know that stories like Caylee’s are played out every day, their argument is that you HAVE to let them grow and give them a bit of responsibility as they do. They think because I read true crime and am interested in how these stories come to be that that’s why I am over-protective.
Because they HAVE done such an excellent job so far I just bite my tongue like a good grandma. But really, if I wouldn’t show up against the white snow background I would consider hiding behind bushes watching them from a distance to make sure they get to school and home again safely. HA HA!!! Actually I just had a vision of that. It would probably scare them to death if they saw me lurking behind a tree or something. LOL!!! But where is the balance? At what point do you start letting them go? (And thanks for letting me brag. They are the centre of my heart. At least I can’t pull out my wallet and start flashing photos at you. LOL.)
Lol, use the links and look up the SO’s in their zip and show it to them.
B
One thing about predators and a list of them. Those are just the ones that have been CAUGHT, CONVICTED, AND HAVE REGISTERED. To me that is one of the appaling parts—all the people out there that we dont know about.
Why are predators let out of prison for any reason—it doesnt matter if they have a anklet on or not. There should never be a “three strike” situation on this, but a first strike and you are out of society never to harm anyone again.
Great post!
The Lovely Bones is an incredible book. I couldn’t put it down when I read it years ago. I typically don’t cry when reading fiction (there is enough real-life stories that get the water-works going!) but this book felt so authentic that I was crying many times while reading.
My father was a psychologist specializing in violent offenders and my mother was a social worker, so while growing up I was VERY aware of the type of dangers the world can offer a child. I was often not allowed to attend things or go places my friends were and I resented them for this when I was younger. Now that I am an adult I realize that they did their job and did it well–I was kept safe. Thinking back on it I realize that I probably was exposed to creeps, pedos, and abusers at various points in my life. My parents could not change the composition of the world but they could control one thing: opportunity. We didn’t walk to school. We didn’t go over to the homes of our friends until our parents had met them several times and knew the dynamics of their house well. We were never placed in situations that would make us vulnerable or easy pickings for a BG and I am extrememly grateful.
I carried this awareness over to my own parenting and have at times worried that I am being paranoid. I had an experience last year that made me realize we cannot be too careful when it comes to protecting our kids. Two years ago (when he was seven)my son received an invitation to a slumber party for a classmate’s birthday. He was really excited to go and was very upset when I said that he might be able to go over and give a gift and have some cake but he was not going to spend the night or stay long because I had no idea who this child’s parents were or how they lived. I really felt bad because I thought, it is probably fine and I am just being too protective of him, causing him to miss out on the fun. Well, I took him over with his gift about half way through the party. There were little boys running around with Nerf guns and having a blast. I met the mother and she seemed nice but a little put-off by my choice of not letting him spend the night. I again started to feel bad like I was some wet-blanket, offending people and stopping fun at every turn. Then a man comes up from the basement and the mom introduces him to me as her boyfriend, Steven. I cannot explain how badly every cell in my body reacted to him. I instantly wanted OUT of their house, and pretended to feel my phone vibrate and made an excuse to leave.
On the way home I didn’t really have a chance to examine my feelings because my son was so busy telling me about how unfair I am and how everybody else got to stay and have fun, etc. But–I could not shake the feeling that I had seen this man before. It didn’t make sense to me, but it kept nagging at me…I have seen that face….where have I seen it? About an hour later I was doing dishes when I yelled “OH SH*T!” I ran to my computer and pulled up the sex offender registry for our zip code. On page two, there he was, Steven from the party.
I check the registry often to see if any new sex offenders have been released and where they are in the city. I thought I was mainly looking at the address section but I guess my subconscious recognized the face before I consciously did and sent me my bad reaction to him.
Anyway, I didn’t know the names or phone numbers of all the children in attendance so I called the police. Many of the parents who came and got their children called to thank me the next day. Except for one: The mother of the birthday boy. She was LIVID and told me that “people change” and I needed to “mind my business” and that I ruined her son’s birthday party. The boys bio father had come and picked him up the next day when he heard through the grape-vine about the police coming to the party and mom having a pedo BF. She also blamed me for this and said that her ex was most likely going to try for custody and I have probably caused her to lose her son.
I was FLOORED. She KNEW he was a sex offender, and not only decided to let her son be around him but let half of his class around him too!
This lady was a RN, living in a nice home ….she did not seem like an idiot.
The worst thing to me is that this man had a preference for young boys. Was she just creating a buffet for him to pick and choose someone to victimize?
I guess the point of this story is always check the available info on violent preds and sex offenders, and always listen to your gut and most importantly when something is wrong you have to speak up even if it means ruining parties and making enemies. Our kids are worth it.
Bookdoc, that was a great comment! Thank you. And the fact that these monsters blend so easily into our lives isn’t lost on me. They don’t look like monsters. The faces of evil are often banal which is soooo dangerous. You always hear, “But she loved her children so much!” or “He was just a nice guy ~ I can’t believe he would do that.” Looks have absolutely nothing to do with it. The fact that they ARE the person next door is what’s so terrifying.
And Blink I had not heard of The Gift of Fear before today. I’m definitely getting it. As for your suggestion to look up the SO’s, that is an excellent, excellent idea. Thx.
Note: The post says “last year” and “two years ago” but my son has a summer b-day so to me last year is last SCHOOL year. Sorry if that confused anyone.
One of the best books I’ve ever read! Can’t wait to see the movie!
WOW, Mandy! That could have been a very close call. Thank God for that nagging little voice in the back of your head.
I am dismayed to see that Canada does have a sex offender registry but apparently it’s a national embarrassment because it’s not available to the public ~ only the police. What the %&^* in the what the what . . . ?!?
Blink, are you personally trying to get my dander up? Damn, it’s hard to look at these pics! You’re making me cry too.
Comment to mynamehere: How much do you think the Anthony’s and their lawyers have affected volunteerism? Look what they’ve done to Kronk. I’d hate to have an ex-wife be paid to say something bad about me in public. It’s a shame what they’ve done to people who’ve tried to help them.
About pedophiles and sexual predators: I hate to tell you all but I personally KNOW TWO pedophiles who will not show up on any list. One copped a plea deal and I’ve been trying unsuccessfully to get the other one arrested for years. Our kids are not safe. Do not feel paranoid because you want to protect them.
Haven’t read the book but the movie (I saw it over the wk’end) is truly AWESOME !!! Ofcourse, the book is always better…so now I’ll HAVE TO read the book !
Thansk for all you do, Blink !!!
Mandy, excellent post and thank you for trusting yourself. Thank you also for making me feel better about my own paranoia. I’ll think of your post the next time I am tempted to question my gut feeling.
Growing up my parents were the “mean” ones also. I can’t thank them enough now. I always thought it strange that my father would not let me sit on my uncle’s lap or any other man’s either. I was not allowed to spend the night at anyones home unless my parents knew them well and if they had an older brother it was almost always a “NO”. I raised my kids they same way and never trusted anyone with them. The one time I caved and let my daughter spend the night at her girlfriend’s home against my better judgement, my wise beyond her years nine year old at the time, later told me that the parents went out to dinner and movie and left the girls home alone. Always go with your gut in those situations. I tell my daughters that all the time. I never made them kiss relatives unless they felt comfortable and I discourage it when children (neices and nephews) are made to show affection towards me unless they initiate the affection. Thank you Blink for the recommended reading and your dedication to inform parents~
Blink, again I am reading your posts and am so truly grateful that someone cares about these children. You are a blessing. I would also like to say that the sex offender registries in the US are a priceless resource and should continue to be used and not taken for granted, my side of the world has no such thing, and I am so deeply troubled that I am powerless…to an extent.
Hi Bees Knees,
It is very hard to know when and how to let children “have their own wings”. Yes, at some point, they will have to be out on their own, and we want them to have the confidence, skills and “life experiences” to be able to make out OK.
I have tried to make my children aware of the many dangers out there. But, then, on the other hand — I don’t want to make them afraid to do anything, either. So, it is extremely hard to find a balance.
I grew up in a big city with a high crime rate. I decided when I got married to move to the country and raise my own children in a safer environment. I live in a very nice town with low crime.
When my children were younger, a young boy went missing from our community after school one day. He got off the bus with a group of children, but somehow beat his mom home. He had been instructed by her that if this ever happened, he was to wait on the porch steps until she got there. This is apparently what he did.
However, when she got there, just a few minutes late, he was nowhere to be found. There was a search all day and night for the boy. They found him a little after midnight, molested and left for dead in the woods.
We found out that the person who took him was a SO from another state. He was NOT registered here as a sex offender.
My youngest child is almost 10 now. There is NO WAY I would ever let him walk to and from school. Not even if he was with others. I just think 8 and 10 are too young. And, it can happen ANYWHERE.
I’m afraid I will definitely be the type of grandmother who will be lurking behind a tree or some bushes and watching my grandkids walk back and forth to school safely, if they are ever allowed to do so.
Although I would never want to interfere with my children on how they raise their own, especially if they are doing a good job, I would have to voice my opinion on this one. I just feel that strongly about it.
I do understand that some parents have no choice, especially if they are single and trying to support their family. But, hopefully, I will be in a position where I can help my children out with their kids if this is ever their situation.
To me, it is just not worth the chance… Jaycee Dugard was taken in plain view of her own stepfather and other children; Sandra Cantu was visiting a playmate a few doors down; Nevaeh Buchanan was playing with a neighbor…
And, Somer Thompson, who was walking home from school with a group of other children, including her older sister, with crossing guards present, and disappeared within a matter of a few minutes, will be forever etched in my memory.
I get in an argument with Ketchup for letting my 4 year old niece change into her swimmiesuit on the lanai at least once a summer. And she always says the same thing. “It is just our family here.” She is right, but how else do you teach a child private is private?
I will never forget Blink Jr asking us why Blinkette had to cover up her hershey kisses now and he did not. He was 3.
Point is, they are paying attention, and patterning sometimes is happening when we think they listen to nothing we say.
B
Hi Blink: I’ve read the book and will never forget it. Compelling and I could cry just thinking about it..
Thanks for yet another great post. Have a nice day. Lori
TY
B
Painful lump in the throat reading your post, Blink, and then reading these parents’ accounts. Mandy: unbelievable story. Is it possible the power of denial may be as strong as our instincts? Am going to force my husband to read all of this. He thinks I am teetering on the deep end for the amount of time I spend on this site, but at the same time he’s wise to the whole “Gift of Fear” notion and not shielding one’s kids, and he is the one who has checked the registries and spoken to police any time we’ve house shopped.
My 6-yr-old begs to walk 0.5 mi home from the bus stop without me and I so badly want to embrace her independence and say OK, but I can’t. It makes me very sad, but I’m grateful to be a realist.
Thank you and brava, Blink.
Blink, thank you again. You continuously amaze me with your dedication to these little ones. You are a ray of sunlight in a too often dark world. My granddaughter is seven and we have weekly talks about what to do in situations that don’t feel right. It’s not easy to know exactly where to draw the line, but as things are around us today, you just can’t play it too safe.
Right now the trial of accused serial killer Rodney Alcala is going on. He committed his murders 30 years ago; let’s hope that this trial finally manages to get a conviction that sticks. All of his victims suffered unspeakable horror before being killed. The youngest was Robin Samsoe. May justice, finally, be served here.
Blink-
Thank you for writing this amazing piece on The Lovely Bones. I read this book a few years ago and have passed it along to several friends. When I was at the movies several months ago, the preview for “The Lovely Bones” came on, and in the preview, as soon as the actress said “My name is Susie, Susie Salmon” every girl in the movie theatre literally was like “Oh my God! it’s the lovely bones!” that experience just proved to me how popular this book is.
Thank you for your continued work in support of missing and exploited children and adults. You are a class act and a tireless advocate for those who can no longer advocate for themselves, and for the families that may not know how to navigate through the treacherous waters of a missing person/murder investigation because they never thought for a second that they could be the victims of a heinous crime.
i always thought i was invincible, in fact, sometimes i fool myself into thinking i still am. i feel like im protected and that no one would want to hurt me because im a nice person and don’t have a mean bone in my body, however im realizing that so often those of us who are naieve and maybe afraid to say no to people are perfect targets for people who want to cause us harm.
anyway…im on my way to borders now for a cup of chamomile tea and to pick up “The Gift of Fear” thanks again for all your hard work! it is very obvious through all of your posts that you truly put your heart and soul into your work. Your children are incredibly lucky to have such a good role model as a mother!
Thank you but they would just prefer I let them get away with everything, like most children
B
Thank you mjh. I appreciate your wise words.
Not only am I buying the book (I am going to see the movie tonight), I am writing to my MP about a need for a registry of our own. Right now, the only way we can find out if someone who’s a convicted sex offender is living in our neighbourhood is being informed by the RCMP or local police. They will NOT provide information regarding where they live unless it is in our neighbourhood.
In Canada, it seems, the perp’s rights are always protected before the victims. I am deeply angered and ashamed by our system. These freaks get slapped on the wrist and serve minimal time for first offenses. They get out early on good behaviour. Most criminals only serve a third of their sentence. Child pornography is treated the same. It’s not taken seriously enough in our country. A recent sentencing of a creep near me who was a first time offender, involved in a child exploitation distribution ring via the net received 5 years. 5 YEARS! He’ll get out in 2!!!! Unfortunately, this person was associated with our family years ago. I am not surprised he turned out like this. I always felt uncomfortable around him and his father as a child (the perp was a little younger than me). The father particularly made me shudder. I always kept my distance from him.
Most recently, I noticed that my son’s hockey team had the names of the children on a local hockey website. Their pictures and names were listed along with their jersey numbers. I couldn’t believe the association felt it was ok to include the names of our children on a public roster! I immediately contacted the head of the organization and protested like a cornered wild cat. As a community, we NEED to be responsible and alert. The only change made was taking my son’s last name off the roster. It has to be requested by the parent! I can’t beileve parents are ok with this!
Since, I’ve been talking to parents and telling them the dangers we are putting them in. A predator knows where to look! We can’t underestimate them. Hopefully, being a thorn in everyone’s side about this henious issue will start the ball rolling. I’m not going to stop until the appropriate measures are taken. We’re living in a different world now. How can people who work with children not see this???????
Brava, Blink!
Great posts, everyone. As bookdoc said, we are a village here and we can and will make a difference.
You and Susie have added more fuel to the fire.
Read the book years ago. Go Oprah!
When my daughter was three, I decided to play a game with her. Hubby was reluctant, but soon joined in on the fun. I explained to her that she was NEVER EVER allowed to get in a car with a stranger. Here’s how the game worked. Hubby and I sat on the couch with a blanket over ourselves pretending to be a stranger’s car. I said we were strangers and she’s not allowed to go with us no matter what. “Hey little girl do you wanna go for a ride?” She screamed “No” at the top of her lungs and ran away. Yeah! “Hey little girl do you want some candy?” She got in our pretend car. I threw the blanket over her head and screamed, “Gotcha”. She was laughing so hard, but got out. “Hey little girl help me get my dog unstuck, blah, blah, blah” She got in the pretend car. I screamed, “Gotcha”. I ran thru every scenerio I could possible think of of that night until my daughter would not get into a stranger’s vehicle. All she knew was run away and scream no matter what was promised.
A couple nights later I decided to teach her about touching. I patted me rear end and asked her if she knew what that was called. (Thanks to my silly 16 year old brother, he had told her this was was her buttox region.) I was cool with that wording. I then pointed out the front girl parts and asked her if she knew what that was called. She thought about it for a minute and then told me that would be “the frontox region”. So there you have it a buttox and a frontox. I then went on to tell her that only mommy and grandma were allowed to bath her. Etc, etc. Later that evening, my brother was wrestling with her (in front of me and grandma), and she stood up and yelled that Uncle touched her frontox region. Umm, no he didn’t we were both watching them play. But, it felt good to know that she understood what I had taught her.
lol at the frontox. It is not necessarily what we label their “regions” (Blink has a hilarious Blink Jr. story but if he ever found out I told it to the world, I would pay for his mortification dearly). What is very important about your advice is that we have these conversations with our children and allow them to develop their internal voices accordingly.
We taught our children the word private in reference to their “privates” because that is exactly what they are.
B
Thank You Blink! Awareness is the key. You have shined the light for so many people. I hope everyone passes your website along to others in hoping that awareness will save one child, one family from becoming another face added to the list.
God bless you and your efforts!
~beating the drum of awareness in my village
Drum, nice to see you and thanks. You are to be commended for your advocacy work as well; you have been at this alot longer than I.
B
#28 – Acho, my family & friends wonder about me too as to why I continue to read about children’s rights and crimes against them. I agree with them that it is depressing and can really put a damper on my day. But just like anything else, the more you understand human behavior and how our minds tick, the more aware and helpful you’ll be in identifying the bad apples. I have a personal close friend who married a man who ended up molesting his step daughter for 4 years till she ran to the police. The first time I met him, he could not look me in the eye… and you know what, his pattern of behavior stems back to his fathers abuse on his sister. The little girl became withdrawn… she too had a cloud over her head and was not comfortable looking in my eye. I thought that was strange, now I know why. Sad that it took place. Sad that the mother of the child claims she didn’t know (for 4 years). Sad this child, to this day, blames herself for her mothers choice in men. If a person withholds eye contact, or locks in on doesn’t let go of your eye communication, THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG! As Cindy says.
Ah yes friends, do not worry you are not alone, my husband probably tells me on a daily basis I am crazy, mean, and anti social. I respond Yes, and your children are alive and well.
Thankyou Blink for writing about “Lovely Bones.” I read it last October shored up in my cottage amongst the oaks in Alabama the cradle of rock and roll 40 miles from Tupelo where Elvis was born.
It is a very rural part of the country. I was there alone fixing a hole in the roof and tending to the property and it never stopped raining for two weeks …needless to say the roof did not get fixed but a lot of reading was done!! My daughter was on the West coast and we were missing each other like mad. Every morning when she woke up before going to school I called her, and every night before she went to sleep I sang her the old lullaby she loved as a child. She is 14 and two inches taller than me but is still my little girl. She thinks I am a little crazy in this area , addicted to morbid stuff about missing children and violence towards girls and women. My ex husband rolls his eyes as well, but would kill anyone who harmed a hair on his precious daughters head. My new husband has had to learn to share me in yet another area since I read “Lovely Bones” but he never laughs at me. He has seen too much after twenty years as a prosecuting District Attorney in downtown Los Angeles, with a long stint in domestic violence. Remembering this, I must be nicer to him tonight and cook him and my daughter their favorite meals, for he is my hero. After everything he has seen I don’t know how he is still the gentle soul he is, but he has put a lot of violent offenders behind bars …… Praise The Lord!!
Little Suzy Salmon broke my heart and made me cry. Little well brought up , polite Suzy who will never become “Susan,” and the desolation that took a hold of her fragile mother, and broken but brave dad ….Oh God …. the rain fell down in Alabama and my tears would not stop. Peter Jackson who directed “Lovely Bones” is from New Zealand and being a fellow “Kiwi” I am proud of him and a huge fan of his movies…..I wish he had not white washed Suzies tragic demise, I know he has a daughter her age and perhaps paled at the task at hand. But I am grateful he tackled the subject matter, and that it has brought so much attention to the book, and the ever present epidemic of violence that preys on our daughters, sister, mothers in the good old USA, and all over the world. Thank you Blink for your fearlessness and vigilance and for speaking for those who are unable to speak for themselves.
Thank you blink for thisstory
I actualy lived/worked at a big hotel located three doors down from the church that was searched for sandra cantus body and clues.
tragic sad story
I now live in a high rise building directly across the street from the court!! although I have never seen huckabee herself because she is transported under tunnel. I do see the media cameras and all the buzz surrounding it. I pray for justice for her and all the murder victims this is so sad.
Blink, I don’t know if this comment will automatically post or if you review them first. I need to email you privately and in confidence. Please let me know if this is possible. Thank you.
You may post it here first, I will keep it private, only you and I will be able to see it until I delete.
B
I’m sorry I’m not able to read all the comments on here, however I did read the grandma who worries about her 8 and 10 year old grandchildren. You have every right to worry! I hope you are able to share your feelings with your daughter and son-in-law, and, more importantly, that they open their eyes to the dangers they are exposing their daughters to. Have you thought of buying them the book “The gift of fear”? It’s all too easy to think that “it can’t happen to me”, but it just takes one second for that to change your way of thinking forever. Did the Somer Thompson story affect them at all? The type of neighborhood your daughter and grandchildren live in is irrelevant. I grew up in an upper middle-class home with 2 devoted parents and the picture perfect life. One decision by a monster changed everything and has affected me in ways I can’t put into words. I don’t blame my parents for what happened (I blame the monster), however, the truth is, it could have been prevented. With my son, I always err on the side of caution. Why risk letting him be picked up by a pedophile on the way home from the bus stop when I can easily PREVENT IT? I can’t imagine letting an elementary aged kid walk alone unsupervised. I may be considered overprotective, but I’d rather my child suffer the consequences of my overprotectiveness than the consequences of being raped.
Blink,
In your interview with Susie, I realized that she may not know what we know. You quoted her saying,
” There was nothing anyone could have done. Nobody knew he was evil and would hurt young girls..”
-Suzie as conveyed to Blink”
Suzse didn’t know what we know. You can identify evil and you can stop him/her from hurting young girls.
Very good thought Word Girl. Your correct. I saw this film yesterday with Mr. B. Because y’all already know my opinion and I have read this work 3 times, always with a new take away, I will share his thoughts:
..” I felt it was too soft on what happened to her..” “I did not think the Mr. Harvey was played as overtly evil and menacing as he really was. I’m not sure girls Blinkettes age will come away with the message they should.”
I agree on the film version, but since there is SOOOOO much more going on the “pages”, it was about a 2.5 out of 5 in comparison, imo.
B
Thank you for sharing Mr. Blink’s thoughts. Very helpful to have a dad’s perspective! Wow…good insights and what a lucky mom your are to have him!
I have not seen the movie, nor actually read the book. But 5 years or so ago, I LISTENED to the unabridged book on CD while on a long drive. Then I listened to it again on the drive home.
Somehow, I think it was the perfect way to “receive” this story. I highly recommend it.
Saw the movie Friday night with my sista. I liked it very much, but as usual, the book was much better. The cinematography was amazing however. I thought they did a good job of Mr. Harvey. He really gave me the creeps. Didn’t even know it was Stanley Tucci until I read a review in the Boston Globe on Sunday, (one star). I cried when Suzie was naming all the little ones in the field. One of the little girls was 6 years old. He was such a predator. Monster.
Blink,
I am working on a child pornography case that sadly involves that child of a friend. I am trying to get info on the POI who was arrested last year. We are trying to get a timeline before because we suspect other activity than the initial charges on his part, but we aren’t sure how to do the legwork. I am sorry if this is the wrong venue, but I was wondering if you would be willing to communicate with me on this and give me some brief guidance? Thanks
Blink is on location, but I have run this past her. She advises working through LE first, without exception.
B
Gavin De Becker said that the little warning voice within us, especially in women, should be cultivated and listened to; it could save our lives. As I recall, we should follow the warning or “hinky meters” within us and never fear of being impolite or ungracious.
Mandy you were ungracious, impolite; yet you probably saved some child, or even your child, from a horrible experience. Some women would have just gone along with the scene so as not to seem impolite or cause hurt feelings.
Brava! You followd that inner voice that De Becker describes as an instinct we shoild never dismiss out of fear of offending, but nourish as an evolutionary inheritance there for saving our lives, and by extension the lives of our loved ones.
Yes, always listen to that little voice. Mine saved me from getting raped one fine evening in Boston, way when. “My” attempted rape-o grabbed me while I was lugging art folios back to the DT library before they were overdue. I was wearing a tundra jacket (October), with the funnel hood over my head, so I couldn’t easily turn my head to look behind the large shadowy mass of the pedestrian walkway that used to go over Park Drive.
The one time I didn’t turn and look, sure enough, there he was, the man with a knife I always thought might show up. He pulled me, still absurdly holding the books, into the shrubbery, got on top of me and unzipped. He held a knife to my neck, and at one point had his hand over my mouth to shut me up. My brave little voice said: Bite him. Then it said: Bite him even harder, and sure enough he gave up the raping bit, tried to grab my purse instead and we played tug-of-war, surrealy, until my eyewitnesses (four) could turn up, dodging traffic, to help me. Things I learned: Most people are like my witnesses and my cops- good people. Second, always listen to that Voice. Third, “The Gift of Fear” should be mandatory for every 16 year old to read, earlier, maybe, if possible. Fourth- there is a “recovery” period to these things.
He was arrested (THE BITE MARK- BLOODY!- Hoorah!), which was a mixed blessing to put it mildly. It meant a whole year (his trial date was eventually set for October following!) of missing classes so I could attend preliminary hearings (lots of those in lawyer-infested Boston), and having to put up with having an ADA actually tell me “I don’t know why you’re bothering. You hurt him worse than he hurt you!”- I swear to God. And that was “my” side. Never mind that 4 other women ID-ed him as “their” rapist. That dinky little knife scared some of them, I guess. But then perhaps they didn’t hear that Voice, or didn’t pay it mind, because they were young and nice. Like Susie…
Thank you, Blink, and all you others. I’m guessing this movie is going to be cathartic for a lot of us out there…
O M G. Thank you for your bravery and for sharing this with us.
B
Thanks. Will do. We just want to make sure this guy goes away for a very long time. He had 12 DVDs of some truly heinous stuff.