Saying Goodbye For Now: Lung Cancer Ends Mom’s Valiant Fight At 63
As many of you know, my Mother has spent the last seven years battling lung cancer and subsequent secondary metastasis throughout her body. She quit smoking in 1986.
With an initial classification of stage 3B and a bleak prognosis , she endured herculean efforts to wage war against the silent enemy that only showed itself on PET scans.
The Red Baroness And Her Life's Co-Pilot
She was an avid true crime reader and case follower. In her last email to me, she reviewed my work in the case against Jerry Sandusky while lying in Oncology Intensive Care via her Blackberry that she smuggled in under her gown.
After three weeks of heinousness, she died peacefully Tuesday at the age of 63.
When she passed, she had 5 books on her nightstand and her Kindle; one of which I was sent by it’s authors for future review.
She told me she was willing to read it, but she was not going to do my job for me, LOL.
“I am overqualified and I am working on dying over here. I am not going do your work for you, plus I do not know how objective I can be”
Our Mom’s tenacity for knowledge was secondary to her sense of humor.
Last week when we brought her home I reminded her that the same things about her personality that kept her alive for seven years against all odds were going to work against her desire to take her last nap.
She responded, ” I know honey, I am dragging my parachute.” As the Olympics began, I told her she got the gold medal for outliving all the other patients in the oncology practice and with only one lung category.
She said, “Speaking of gold do you realize it is projected to rise to $1620 an ounce according to my ticker app. I answered, ” If you do not put that thing away and get some rest I am going to smother you with a pillow and speed this thing up.”
“Then use the new one you bought me. Your Father’s are flat and mushy and I cannot get him to part with them, OR ME, ba dump bump” , she said complete with hand gestures mimicking a drum set.
“No worries, I have Daddy signed up on 6 online dating sites including christian mingle something.”
She laughed so hard she had to push her bolus and shot back, “Now I know that is a lie, you are 43 years old and you put your thumb over the face of his prom dates in his old scrap books when you look at them.”
“AND.. I threw a gum wrapper in her front lawn when Dad showed me her house when we went to visit Grammy’s grave ions ago.”
“Charming. Maybe you might consider putting that on your growth area list.”
There was nothing secondary about her love of our Father, her girls or our entire family.
In the nearly 44 years they were married, I never once saw them argue. As kids, that was particularly daunting- we got away with nothing. The parental divide and conquer plan was non-existent in our home.
In my teens I used to be annoyed by her ability to walk into the middle of some early crime show and know exactly who did it and why.
A N N O Y I N G in the learning process.
E N D E A R I N G in the saying goodbye process.
Little did I know then- I would also be inspired by it. I know everyone says they have the greatest Mum in the world, but she truly was the best woman I have ever known.
Ma Mere did not go gently into the good night. She told the good night she would come when she was ready, and that she did. I will not be keeping this post up for long, this site and my work are dedicated to true crime.
While losing one’s Mother at 63 is very much a crime of sorts to me, we had the ability to spend our borrowed time together creating memories that will sustain us during the most profound loss I have ever experienced- many victims families of cases we cover do not. Frankly, as far as learning curves go, I have a new perspective on grief so I appreciate you indulging me with this announcement for a bit.
Private message to Mom: The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog 
I will be back in full swing next week, moderating until then.
My sincere thanks to all for your continued support at www.blinkoncrime.com, www.scaredmonkeys.com and www.scaredmonkeys.net.
I would also like to thank Hematology-Oncology Associates Dr. Friedman and Dr. Shaw. You were her care consultants operating with her directives, and your advice and compassion allowed us to bring her home.
I get that it is weird with 27 years in the business you come across the raging bull dressed like my 5′ 3″ tall Mother.
The energy you gave us at your surprise and delight to have her be a first in your practice is cherished and Thank You.
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones, Blink. Your Mom was an awesome and brave lady from what you have shared, cherish her spirit.
Blink, you are blessed above many to have had the parents you did and do.
My Mom was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers last year. Many funnies come into play during family conversations which makes it easier to move through the journey… there’s no feeling sorry for ourselves around here as she simply won’t have it.
She, like your own precious mother, is an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story and tribute to a strong and loving woman.
ps. Your ma looks very much like a Jersey girl.
lol, Mom is not Jersey but she would love that comment.
B
Dear, dear Ms. Blink and family. What a wonderful, inspirational tribute, your mom sounds like a pistol and a half. Stupid cancer. Healing hugs and thoughts from NC
May the pain you are experiencing now turn to sweet and happy memories soon. It is clear that your mom was a extraordinarily wonderful woman. My thoughts are with you, Blink xo
Had a sense it was the last couple days and thank you for her status update. The best “obituary” from a journalist a Mom could have. I love her “overqualified”. Despite her disclaimer, I bet she was always ready to do whatever work took some work off the daughters’ plates to enable their soaring. Who she was as a parent was built on the support & respect from her Co-pilot. good pic. Having been thru the oncology icu thing with a parent, and the process of a slow take off, I encourage you to not underestimate a lingering ptsd state in yourself and her other caregivers for the next while. Best after your joint hard won battle.
I sincerely appreciate that advice Rose, I can feel that, and I can see it in other members of my family.
As one example, I am preserving and replacing the buttons on my Mother’s wedding dress ( I know, odd, but Dad request) and I was looking at them and went to call my Mother to ask her if the rhinestones are all one color or clear and light yellow mixed. * Commence 30 minute trance on sofa *
Like I would ever find the time,but I could start an entire blog just on this journey and the grief process.
Right now, I would have to say it is the one thing that has shocked me that I did not expect.
I have lost people close to me in the past, and I knew it was coming and thought I was prepared and “resigned”. Eff that. Profound Grief is an observation one cannot articulate until it is felt, and by felt I mean it is completely out of your control.
I could not bring myself to see her dead. I have at least 1300 autopsy pics on just one of my computers for study or casework and I do not bat an eye analyzing them, so I found that odd.
B
Prayers for you and your family today Blink. And godspeed to your dear mama.
I am truly sorry Blink. Prayers sent for your Mom and your family.
Peace and blessings to you and yours, Ms. B. I lost my daddy at the young age of 60 – and your humor is familiar to me. My fam handled the sorrow with what some might view as inappropriate humor, but it is what Dad would have wanted. Praying for much love, light and laughter for you.
We are definitely a gallows humor family, thank you.
B
Blink, you showed your Mom as humorous, smart, modern, loyal, strong, observant and much loved by her family. Wow, Mama Blink is just my kind of lady. I am so sorry for the grief of your family now but I am so happy for all the most wonderful memories that you will always have and hold till the day you all too start the new journey after life.
Peace and the strongest hugs….Ode
Thank you. I feel like I need to say something negative about her because she would be annoyed at the attention if you know what I mean.
So here goes. She always carried a ridiculously small pocketbook with her stuff heaving out the top or she could not it get it closed at all. I used to beg her to let me buy her a big ole tote like I mostly carry and she would always say- What would I do that for, then I would just stuff that up and it would be heavy. I grow to the size of the bag, that is the way.
LOL
So she earned the “Inappropriately Sized Bag Lady” title from yours truly.
B
Not much that a person can say at a time such as this – but Blink please know that you are in all our prayers and thoughts. We wish you peace on this day and many to come. God bless you and your family!
Ty kindly.
B
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.
I cry for you. To love someone so is a gift some never receive.
That is sadly very true and I will never take that for granted. I wish everyone did, and if they have not, do.
Thank you so for the kind words.
B
Dear Blink,
My deepest sympathies. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mom was and is truly an inspiration. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
HUGS♥♥♥
Niecey
Niecey, thank you so much for the kind words. Hugs back.
B
i’m very sorry for your family’s loss. i hope you find some comfort in the fact that she is no longer in pain, and more importantly in the wonderful job your Mother did while she was here. that much is clear.
dt
Thank you kindly, I can tell you without hesitation that I find comfort in the fact that my Mother is no longer in pain because she was in nothing but.
B
Awww, I had a feeling. I am so sorry for your loss. And I am thrilled for you that you had a pistol of a mama. Bless you and yours, Blink.
You and your feelings are never wrong- thank you.
B
Blink, I feel as if I know your dear mommy after reading your brilliant and most loving tribute to her. What a woman! My heart goes out to you and yours in your grief. Prayers and hugs!
Yes, she had that going for her, lol. Over the last few months before her rapid decline and we were just managing her pain, every time we went anywhere she would strike up conversations with strangers and say whatever came to mind. I remember her crossing the room while out for dinner just tell a woman she had a lovely hat on. I was like, Mom, your walking is a little tenuous as best, can’t you just relax?
She said- By the way, I am the Mother around here. I am about a month away from a wheel chair so if you do not mind I will get up and walk around and speak to people I feel compelled to, thank you for sharing.
LOL.
B
Your post about your mom is beautifully written and stands out like a colorful and fragrant flower in a field of dried up weeds on this website of posts about selfish, “messed up” people who victimized others or allowed someone else to. Now we know why you are so tenacious about what you do.
My prayers during this difficult time are for you and your family.
Love and peace,
MBS
MBS- you know I had never considered that, thank you very much.
B
She sounds like my kind of girl!
I wish I had had the honor of knowing her. Lucky you! Heartfelt condolences to you and your family.
I have never met you, and I do not know your age, but for some reason I feel like you may be a little like her in the no nonsense area
Ty.
B
What a beautifully written piece, brought me to tears. I lost my mother to cancer many years ago when she was approaching her 50th birthday. After months in ICU, we never got to bring her home. Waaay too young. Your mother sounds like a wonderful person who truly enjoyed getting the most out of her life, also sounds like she was very proud of her little girl and family. Hoping you and your family and dear friends will find support in each other while you cope with your loss.
Thank you kindly, she was. Cancer is unbelievably cruel for sure, I am sorry you lost your Mom so young.
B
My Sincere condolences on your loss…you and your family are in my prayers
Ty kindly.
B
Oh Blink. I am thinking of you and your family and thanking your mama for giving you to the world as such an admirable advocate… I lost my mom, my best friend, in 2008 and I’m still not over it. I was broken, then broken open, it is a process indeed. Thank you for sharing, she has been on my mind for weeks… take it easy on yourself…
Thank you Jane, and I am sorry about the loss of your Mother. I know I am only at day 2, but I keep telling myself that I need to remember that she is still here and can talk to her similarly to the way I used to mutter under my breath as a kid when I got in trouble, except now with a different tone.
I will let you know when that works, lol.
B
Ah Blink. I am so sorry. What I lovely tribute to your Momma. I see where you get your Chutzpa. How lucky you were to have her and how blessed she was to have you. Prayers kisses and love to you and yours.
Thank you kindly. Yes, Chutzpa was her middle name, lol.
B
So sorry for your loss…not sure how the twitter thing works or if reply there was received…but I do and will remember your heartfelt advice from a year ago…and still tryin’…bless you and yours
Try until you do, and that is all anyone could ask. You have my complete respect for keeping at it.
Will check twitter when I can and thank you.
B
I am sorry for your loss Blink. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time. What little I know of you through your work, your mom (and dad) raised a tiger and I know you will come through this even stronger than you were before.
Thank You Tarheel.
B
Read it twice. Cried twice.
Like rinse and repeat sort of. Thank you Anniex9.
B
Prayers for you and your family Blink. Take care of yourself.
Ty kindly.
B
there is nothing like the bond between a mommy and daughter. Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing with us all.
Thank you az.
B
Cher Blink.
My own words fail.
Here are some other words.
“Goodbye, said the fox. And now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye. (Mais les yeux sont aveugles. Il faut chercher avec le cœur.)”
“You – you alone will have the stars as no one else has them…In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night…You – only you – will have stars that can laugh.”
“And when your sorrow is comforted…you will be content that you have known me… You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure… It will be as if, in place of the stars, I had given you a great number of little bells that knew how to laugh.”
http://www.trussel.com/saint-ex/stamps/saint-ex.htm
Thank you, Blink, for sharing your personal story. It’s true: a great woman has died today. She made sure she left others skilled enough, with heart enough, to take her place.
Thank you, also, for understanding the medical community’s passion and hope in their celebration of your Mom’s “First.” That matters, especially after the last week–I personally am sorry you had to see that, but you know now.
And knowing is all she wanted.
“Ma Mere”: Reposer en paix.
~~Requiescat in pace~~
I was doing ok until I got to this, so thanks for that
Just lovely and I thank you.
B
My heartfelt condolences to you and your family, Blink.
Thank you kindly and cool hat.
B
My darling dearest Blink, your Ma Mere has so long been in my thoughts and prayers. This day was way too soon in coming.
My love, prayers, and deepest sympathy to you and yours.
I know it will be hard to take time to take care of you, and I hope you have that opportunity.
Ma Mere, raising my glass to you!
Heart you always,
V
Heart U Back.
B
Dear Blink,
I am very sorry for your loss. How blessed you are to have had her as a mother and a role model. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Classy
I am and thank you Classy.
B
Rarely post, ever…just a reader. Blink, thank you for this heartbreaking, yet delightful post so personal to you. In reading about your mum, I feel as though I understand some of your comments more that sometimes get taken by others in the wrong way. This is where your heart comes from, and where your sense of humor was born. You are your mother’s daughter. I am so very sorry for your loss and for your father’s loss. Take all the time you need. Hugs from Idaho.
Thank you ever so much for coming out of readerdom.
My Dad affectionately calls me Pam Jr. in a whisper when I do something “Pam like”.
Last Spring my parents had some tree damage on their property and a newer tree, my Mom’s fave was uprooted. My Dad was insistent he was going to rig something on his own the next day.
Um, there was no way he could even pick the thing up on his own but I was not telling that to Mr. GerSwede. So I rounded up Mr. Blink, brother Blink In Law and Neighbor Blink to pull up the tree while I made a quick pulley system from rubber tarp straps with s hooks.
When Dad came around the corner and saw me watering it he muttered thank you Pam, Jr.
B
Dearest Blink,
I’m so sorry for your loss. What a teriffic and lovely lady your Mom must have been. I share in the sadness and loss you and your family are going through. I laid my dear Daddy to rest just two weeks ago. Right now, a large part of me went with him. Hold tight to the memories my dear friend and cherish every moment you had with your wonderful Mom. Those moments that made memories will keep you strong. My sincere thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
O dear Josie- I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for the kind words.
B
Your Mom..so very young. My Mom passed at 79. She told me she would be watching over me before she went(Oye vay)!! My deepest sympathy to you and your family Blink and your journey through grief..I send all of you my thoughts and prayers. PS: Keep her pocketbook!
Lol, her pocketbook might hold my phone and a lipgloss at best.
B
Oh Blink, I have tears in my eyes. I am so very sorry for your loss, your Mom was such a fire cracker from what you’ve shared with us. I can attest that this apple here fell close to that tree. She will keep the good Lord on his toes, don’t you think?
Love and prayers to you and yours, dear one. XO
I think she hit the pearly gates and said I think we should do them in French toile. This is a little dated for me.
Yes, Mineral wall shade and a black and white toile. Soy candles I think. Yes, definitely soy.
B
Dear Blink,
I want to thank you for letting us get to know your Mom through you.
Thank you for sharing her and your family through your stories.
You didnt have to invite us into your family, but you did, and we grew to love Mom through all you shared…you made BOC a better place because of your generosity and love.
Thank you for continuing to let us be a part of your family even in this sadness. I so appreciate you sharing your Moms wisdom humor and beauty with us.
Thanks so much for the picture, I can see where you got some of your best attributes, such a smart and pretty lady.
Its not hard to picture your Momma up there watching over you all as she flys with the Angels- ofcourse shed be driving.
I am so very sorry for your loss I wish there was a more genuine and caring way to offer my condolences.
Please take care of Yourself and be there for Dad and Catsup and Mustard as well as the not so little Blinks -and let them be there for you
Sending Hugs through tears
Mom3
There is nobody more genuine and caring than you, I thank you.
Because you mention it- I have learned to ask for support when I need it, and it is stellar advice.
I never, ever have- I am the control person, the constant in our family.
Not for this, and I really had no idea. As you and many here know I am intensely private but have learned that sometimes one has to share in the event it can help another. You know where I learned that.
Hugs friend.
B
Peace be with you Blink. There is nothing more wonderful than a loving mother-daughter relationship. The bond you share with your Mom will continue to grow and will continue to shape who you are. It is love without end. Hugs.
Thank you numbers- As the Mother of a teenage daughter, who frankly is just like My Mom and I, and who was VERY close to Mom Mom, I know now that sometimes the lessons we teach our children get through without us trying.
B
Oh Blink…..I’m so sorry for the pain you’re feeling. Your mother sounds like an amazing person. I truly believe she’s passed into another dimension and that you WILL see her again. Until that reunion, I pray that your grief will be bearable and that the love and memories you have for her will keep you strong.
Fortunately, I have tremendous faith that what you say is correct.
Thank you for your kind words.
B
I cry here at my desk–with sympathy for you and your family, my sincerest condolances and thoughts during this time.
Thank you for sharing this, your mom was a beautiful person from soul to heart and everything in between- what a treasure.
Prayers.
Thank you kindly “bethe”
B
I’m so sorry to read of your loss. God bless you and your whole family Blink.
Thank You Kindly Gerta.
B
Ah-what to say…
Love the picture- she’s saying see you all soon. My brother-in-law did similar when my sister died recently- during the memorial video, found her waving from an amusement park ride and used it at the end. Heart wrenching.
Thinking of you & yours- it will get better with time. E
Thank you as always E- I know this is all so very recent for you so you are the unwilling house expert.
Your support is invaluable.
B
I am so sorry for you and your family’s loss. Y’all are all in my prayers! Your piece is absolutely beautiful!
Thank You kindly.
B
Oh Blink, what a tribute. Thank you for letting us in. Our hearts go out to you, your Dad, and family. So many of us can relate. My best Mom in the world left us at 64 years young, and I thought of it as a crime of sorts as well. I have 25000 more words on the subject, but I will spare you and everyone else. Hugs, and so sorry you are a member of this club, on many levels, we understand.
My dear erose, in the event you wish to unveil your 2500 words, you are welcome to. You are also welcome to not. But know that I decided to publish this piece because I felt at some level that it might
Yes, the club blows, but I would not change it to have a different Mother to have longer.
So.. into the club I go and thanks for the welcome
B
The morning my Mom passed,
May you always have many loving, fun, fond memories of your Mom’s time on earth. My prayers to you and your family.
Thank you Jane.
B
What a blessing your Mom and Dad are! Two absolutely beautiful people. I can tell where you get the love of sleuthing and you comedic chops! Mom was definitely a shining star here on earth. I know she will be entertaining the masses nightly up in heaven. I do hope she reminds them of the veal, ba dump bump!!!!!!!!
I hope you know tht none of us Blink followers would ever want you to remove this piece.
Thank you Kindly melisb
B
Dear Christina Blink,
May you be touched with God’s richest Blessings during this sad time.
Love and Prayers
from Paula
(Snipped from)
HEALING WORDS WHEN DARKNESS FALLS
John:14:1: Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. 2 In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. :3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. 4 And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know. (KJV)
What Do We Do When We All We Have Left Is Our Grief?
What we do is dig deep to find the treasures of life. With Christ, the earthly treasures of life as well as the heavenly treasures that await us, can be found in our times of loss. If we did not grieve, life would be worth nothing. Our grief is a sign that we treasure life. In reverse, what we miss when we lose someone can show us what is important in life. When we find what is important in life, we must then share this with others. What we find that is so important is that life matters, love for others matters, being unselfish and selfless matters, relationships built upon respect and admiration matter, and that forgiveness that sweeps away personal hurts matters. In the bitter depths of sorrow, we can, if we want to, find the glory of life. In the terrible heartbreak of losing, we can find that there is a time ahead of us when we will never lose again. We can find this time where we will never lose again because we have Christ pouring His love and His promises into our minds, our hearts, and our souls. What we must do is absorb the awful hurt, pray and prostrate ourselves before God, and then search for His overflowing love in our hearts. His boundless love is always in us if we would but open up to it. His boundless love is what heals us. His boundless love puts a bandage on our heart and He tends to our hurts until the healing process is underway.
Dear Blink,
As one daughter to another, you know I am crying for you.
Heart you, sweet Blink.
I so knew I would see you today, and yes fellow daughter, I know you know, so thank you and heart u back.
B
I am truly sorry for your lost. You will all be in my prayers.
Thank you kindly Jinx
B