Saying Goodbye For Now: Lung Cancer Ends Mom’s Valiant Fight At 63
As many of you know, my Mother has spent the last seven years battling lung cancer and subsequent secondary metastasis throughout her body. She quit smoking in 1986.
With an initial classification of stage 3B and a bleak prognosis , she endured herculean efforts to wage war against the silent enemy that only showed itself on PET scans.
The Red Baroness And Her Life's Co-Pilot
She was an avid true crime reader and case follower. In her last email to me, she reviewed my work in the case against Jerry Sandusky while lying in Oncology Intensive Care via her Blackberry that she smuggled in under her gown.
After three weeks of heinousness, she died peacefully Tuesday at the age of 63.
When she passed, she had 5 books on her nightstand and her Kindle; one of which I was sent by it’s authors for future review.
She told me she was willing to read it, but she was not going to do my job for me, LOL.
“I am overqualified and I am working on dying over here. I am not going do your work for you, plus I do not know how objective I can be”
Our Mom’s tenacity for knowledge was secondary to her sense of humor.
Last week when we brought her home I reminded her that the same things about her personality that kept her alive for seven years against all odds were going to work against her desire to take her last nap.
She responded, ” I know honey, I am dragging my parachute.” As the Olympics began, I told her she got the gold medal for outliving all the other patients in the oncology practice and with only one lung category.
She said, “Speaking of gold do you realize it is projected to rise to $1620 an ounce according to my ticker app. I answered, ” If you do not put that thing away and get some rest I am going to smother you with a pillow and speed this thing up.”
“Then use the new one you bought me. Your Father’s are flat and mushy and I cannot get him to part with them, OR ME, ba dump bump” , she said complete with hand gestures mimicking a drum set.
“No worries, I have Daddy signed up on 6 online dating sites including christian mingle something.”
She laughed so hard she had to push her bolus and shot back, “Now I know that is a lie, you are 43 years old and you put your thumb over the face of his prom dates in his old scrap books when you look at them.”
“AND.. I threw a gum wrapper in her front lawn when Dad showed me her house when we went to visit Grammy’s grave ions ago.”
“Charming. Maybe you might consider putting that on your growth area list.”
There was nothing secondary about her love of our Father, her girls or our entire family.
In the nearly 44 years they were married, I never once saw them argue. As kids, that was particularly daunting- we got away with nothing. The parental divide and conquer plan was non-existent in our home.
In my teens I used to be annoyed by her ability to walk into the middle of some early crime show and know exactly who did it and why.
A N N O Y I N G in the learning process.
E N D E A R I N G in the saying goodbye process.
Little did I know then- I would also be inspired by it. I know everyone says they have the greatest Mum in the world, but she truly was the best woman I have ever known.
Ma Mere did not go gently into the good night. She told the good night she would come when she was ready, and that she did. I will not be keeping this post up for long, this site and my work are dedicated to true crime.
While losing one’s Mother at 63 is very much a crime of sorts to me, we had the ability to spend our borrowed time together creating memories that will sustain us during the most profound loss I have ever experienced- many victims families of cases we cover do not. Frankly, as far as learning curves go, I have a new perspective on grief so I appreciate you indulging me with this announcement for a bit.
Private message to Mom: The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog 
I will be back in full swing next week, moderating until then.
My sincere thanks to all for your continued support at www.blinkoncrime.com, www.scaredmonkeys.com and www.scaredmonkeys.net.
I would also like to thank Hematology-Oncology Associates Dr. Friedman and Dr. Shaw. You were her care consultants operating with her directives, and your advice and compassion allowed us to bring her home.
I get that it is weird with 27 years in the business you come across the raging bull dressed like my 5′ 3″ tall Mother.
The energy you gave us at your surprise and delight to have her be a first in your practice is cherished and Thank You.
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234 Comments
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Dear Blink,
I’m so sorry for your loss.
In the two years I’ve been reading here, I’ve always enjoyed the “mom” anecdotes you share. I love women like your mother, and I wish I had known her. (A terrific photo, too.)
God bless your mother; God bless you and God bless your family.
Thank you Gwen. I am pretty sure I will not run out of Mom anecdotes anytime soon.
B
You are right that you have to find a new way to talk to your mother, as this is a start of a new relationship. But that does not mean that you will still not be surprised by the depth and length or recurrence of your grieving for your old relationship with her. Prayers for peace for you and your family.
I know lizzy, and I remember you pointing that out- which is sage. As a person that is infrequently surprised by most anything these days, I concur that the end of my earthly relationship with my Mother in exchange for one based on her absence with the promise of seeing her again sucks and I am never going to prefer it, adjust or think it is fair.
If I get past calling her cell phone anytime soon, I will consider it progress.
I have decided to consider grief like any gray hair I have. I cover it up, and I only see it when I am due for maintenance.
O, I can do analogy dujour.
If that does not work, I fetch my invisible protective bubble.
B
Blink,
I feel your loss deeply. The mother/daughter bond is like no other.
I lost my beautiful Mom 26 years ago just after her 60th birthday… to a appendectomy gone wrong. The old saying “you don’t get over it, you get thru it” proved to be true. But to this day I can’t go near a Hallmark store the month before Mother’s Day.
I hope our Moms meet.
With a hat like yours I might count on it, thank you friend, and I am sorry for your loss.
B
Oh Blink. I am so sorry.
Ty kindly.
B
Bless your heart Blink! I had a strong suspicion this was a possiblilty considering your silence.
Above all else take care of you, and take it easy for a bit. Luv and hugs and prayers my friend.
Thank you Kindly
B
My dear Blink and family,
I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
What a lovely family you have! And thank you for sharing your
personal and funny exchange with us. Both of my beloved parents
are deceased (mom ’93 while I was pregnant) and dad in ’05. My dad
and I had quite the humorus and “back at you” exchange before he
passed – he quipped “you are having me put down aren’t you?”.
Again, love you kiddo and may God bless you and be
with you.
Thank you connie
B
Blink, what a beautiful tribute to your mom. I lost my mother 7 years ago and not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and hear myself uttering one of her “sayings”. Cherish the memories as those will get you through the days ahead. Prayers and Peace for you and your family.
Thank you Cindy
B
Sorry for your loss Blink. You and your family are in my thoughts. Thank you for this post and sharing some last words from your mom. She sounds like a wonderful person.
She was alright in a pinch.
Lol, that is one of our responses to each other when things got heavy and death-laden.
I was always more serious and subdued (spaz) so when I lightened up, or she saw it in my eyes she would tell me to lighten up, this dialogue was key.
B
Until you meet again…
Love and hugs.
Hey you-
Many thanks
B
I am a long time lurker–read you everyday. Never posted before. Hope I am filling this out correctly. I am assuming the website blank means my name for this site.
Not necessary to post this, really. I just wanted to express that my thoughts are with you-as others on this forum have expressed far better than I.
But Blink….when you are feeling more yourself…please re-read this lovely article that you wrote. Now, this is the way a real author/journalist writes…from the heart with the mind. Please continue to explore your writing skills. If you can write like this about this difficult subject matter, you can surely write as eloquently about your thoughts on true crime. You were, in these short few paragraphs, focused, succinct and expressive. Continue on Blink…..
BTW: Your Mom sounds like quite a dame (in the best of ways).
CapsuleDame
Thank you very much for the critique
B
What a beautiful tribute to your mother. I completely understand you not wanting to see your mother after she had passed away. While it’s a deeply personal choice, I know that for some, that image can be haunting.
You have my deepest sympathy.
Thank you mosaic.
B
I am sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my Dad last year and I too, did not want to see him, dead. I am thankful that my husband strongly encouraged me to view him because he had the most peaceful relaxed look on his face. It almost looked like he was smiling, or dreaming a very nice dream. It is very hard to part with a parent but a necessary part of life. My thoughts are with you.
Thank you Starsky. I agree it is a highly personal choice and for many people is a very good idea.
B
I’m so very sorry Blink. I hope these words bring you comfort as they did me when my father passed.
I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love. Leo Buscaglia
Thank you for your kind words MuffyBee and I am sorry for the loss of your Father.
B
May God rest your mother in a place of peace and comfort her friends and family.
Thank you Cindy.
B
So sorry for your loss Blink. Hugs and prayers for you and your family from Houston.
Ty Kindly Gail
B
So sorry for your loss. It must have been a blessing to have her as long as you did.
Hang in.
Your fellow spaz
lol, thank you Monkeybunny.
B
Blink -
I lost my dad is 1991. Shortly after his death, I was a reading a Sunday paper new story about family that lost their father and shortly thereafter started finding dimes in strange places. I finished the story, and headed to bed. As I washed my face -I saw something shiny; and I thought if that is a dime – I am going to flip. Sure enough it was and I still find them to this day.
So my prayer for you is receive a sign that your mom is with you, watching over you, and always in your heart. May you find strength during to this difficult time. God Bless.
mag- you know I am going to be finding dimes now, right?
Thank you mag.
B
Dear Blink thank you for sharing your love and your grief-one grows as you share it, the other becomes a lighter load. My mother died from complications of alcohol and drug abuse at 51, and although we were estranged thanks to divine-and CPS-intervention, my grief was silent and surging and strong. one of the best gifts I was ever given, when I was a nine year-old lost child was to “find many mothers”. and I have. and they have found me. and grandmothers, too. and as I struggle to maintain the balance required to raise two children by myself with some degree of sanity and growth, it is tributes like this that my tendrils reach for. I admire your wit, your intellect, and your heart. your mother is with you still. Leah
I can tell you that my Mom would sincerely appreciate you reaching for tendrils in your situation.
I can also tell you that over the past few days I have been leaning on my Aunts pretty heavily and I thank God for them.
B
Dear Blink
What a beautiful tribute to your mom. The picture of her and your dad seated in the front cockpit of an old restored Boeing biplane waving to those about to be left behind could not have been more appropriate.
She was a year younger than I thought. I knew she would be beautiful in her appearance as she would be in her behavior. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree analogy is so true. I came to love her from your stories from time to time just as I have come to love and respect you. You had a great mom and teacher and you and your sisters are all the better for it.
My prayers each day have included your mom and family asking GOD to give her strength to fight this long battle. It appears that she lived as normal as could be expected right up to the end.
Our body is but a vehicle to transport the real you, our immortal soul. It is the soul that is transported by the angelic seriphim to the mansion of GODs choice to continue the quest to be perfect even as he is perfect.
We must all give up our parents to death at some time during our lives. It never is easy, but it brings us face to face with out own mortality. I know she is loved by all who have posted here over the years. I believe that you will find her in reality once again after your mortal journey is completed and you both will be able to wrap your arms around one another.
My prayers are now directed at giving your family peace and understanding while each works their way through grief in their own way.
With tears in my eyes, Your virtual ‘PaPa”
ATG/Virtual Poppa-
You have been so kind to continuously check on my Mom- I heart u, as you know.
I thank you more than I am able to convey today.
God Bless
B
So many people praying for you – it is such a miraculous time – after my son was murdered and I was so grief stricken I physically would feel the waves of comfort of all those praying for me and my family – my hope is that you will too! And I continue to hear one song on the radio which I know is a direct connect to my son – it ALWAYS brings a smile to my lips and refreshes love and joy in my heart. Somehow I am certain that she will connect to you and continue to refresh you with love and joy!
I am so very sorry for your loss but so very hopeful after reading this, thank you.
B
I’m so sorry, love and hugs to you and your family.
TY
B
(snipped)
“If that does not work, I fetch my invisible protective bubble.”
B
—————————————————————-
♥♥♥♥ much love to you and your family.
Blink, your in my thoughts. Thank you for your very endearing story. You are certainly a very special person with a very special mother.Deepest sympathies to you and your family.
Thank you kindly Moose.
B
Hugs. What a beautiful piece for her. Your love is apparent. What a legacy she leaves!!
Thank you Sheila
B
My mother also died of lung cancer, at the age of 61. Right before she passed, I told her that I would see her again. It’s been 15 years, but I can still hear her voice, see her smile, and feel her love. I see hearts as signs of her presence. I am sorry for your loss, and pray you will be comforted by signs of your mom’s love and presence every day of you life. In the blink of an eye, we will all be together again. God bless.
We will indeed sirensong, thank you.
B
God Speed! Prayers for Peace, Comfort and Love for your family. When I lost my Grandpa 15 years ago the only words that made sense too me or gave me comfort came from a friend “so so sad” knowing that because we love and accept Jesus and we will see each other again is a comfort but does not replace the ones we love the most in our lives. Being able to say yes it is so sad for me was so freeing.
Much love to you and yours during this time!
My son is having a particularly difficult time. He lost his paternal Nana only 3 years ago, whom he was equally close to. When I tell you this not so little man has been an absolute rock for me and our family it is an understatement- I could not be prouder of his character, which as a parent of a teen, one is never really sure until a situation presents itself.
We had been going for long night walks while we were on what I would call the death watch 2012 and last evening we went on our first one since Mom passed. It was a full moon and the sky was brilliant and sparkly.
I told him what my Father had told me earlier in the day. I called to stalk, I mean, hover, I mean check on him, and he told me he had picked up my Mother’s ashes earlier and the urn my sisters and I picked out was absolutely gorgeous and that “She was finally back home.” I am not sure why, but I am experiencing some weird phenomena that the sound of my Dad’s very voice makes me cry instantly so we do a lot of “Ok, gotta go slop the hogs, will call you back.” No, nobody in our family raises hogs, lol.
He called me back later specifically to ask how Blink Jr was doing and I told him I wrote a piece for Mom, I would show him Sunday and I read it to BJ for his approval and he smiled a few times which was a good sign. I asked him if he wanted us to come and stay over for Mom’s first night home. He said no, I am going to make myself some meat loaf and potatoes which you hate anyway.. “Gotta go slop the hogs, will call you back.” Your hogs are going to be fat he said. I said they are hogs, they are supposed to be fat. He said, your right.
I called him later and said I forgot to ask where he put her.
Me: I forgot to ask where you put her.
Dad: I took your advice and put her in the dining room on the top shelf of the big bookcase thing where Mom has all her breakables (my nieces word for things she was not allowed to touch when little) and pictures of all you kids and grandkids where she can’t hear the television.
Me: Good, I dusted that Tuesday and BJ hit the top because I could not reach it.
Dad: I know, and btw, good job because I pulled some of the pictures from the other shelves like our wedding picture and BJ’s cross he got her and it was clean underneath. Your Mother was very particular about moving things and cleaning underneath them so I appreciate that.
Me: How did you know about BJ’s cross he got her last year when she was in the hospital, it was in the family room Tuesday on the top shelf?
Dad: I know, Mom told me she wanted me to put his cross next to her urn specifically. I do what Mom tells me.
Me: Jesus Take The Wheel.
Dad: Don’t you mean slop the hogs?
Me: What would Jesus Do? Nevermind, your going to say he would get on BJ’s cross, I say laughing.
Dad: Yes, very witty, go tell my grandson it looks beautiful.
SO..
When we were walking last night during our nocturnal therapy session, I told BJ and he grinned ear to ear.
He told me he was worried about me more than I him, that he was just very sad and we need to stick together and be there for each other. I said of course, but I felt like my grief took over and maybe that scared you to see me that way, and so I am wanting to tell you that it is my job as your Mom to help you through this aside from my own sadness- does that make sense? It is not the other way around, your job is to work through losing Mom Mom as best you can without worrying about me. My job is to get you and your sister through this as best we can, and support our entire family as a whole.
He said it never scared me, and it is all our jobs for whoever needs it at the time.
I said ok sweet boy, ok.
I share this very personal exchange in the hopes that it will help someone in a similar situation, or for alternatives in our online grief counseling session of the day, lol.
B
Blink, I read here daily and have never commented. Your mom sounded like an amazing woman, you are truly blessed. I am so sorry for your loss and wish you had more time together. I love how you wrote about your mom, what an amazing woman and you a wonderful daughter. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Thank you kindly Estrella. It means so very much to my family and I that my Mom compelled your comment.
God Bless
B
I am very sorry for your loss. What a beautiful essay… Your mom is proud of you!
Thank you Sally.
B
Blink,
This tribute is full of love, your words came to life and I chuckled picturing the back and forth. I’m not usually one for “greeting card” sayings, but this is one that I’be never forgotten because it’s so true:
Death leaves pain that no one can heal, but love leaves leaves memories that no one can steal”.
Sending strength your way, B.
Well I will take it as I often told my Mother she was a “card”, thank you VLH.
B
Blink –
My deepest and most heartfelt sympathy to you and yours.
There is nothing that cuts quite so deep as the loss of Mom.
It seems that no matter how old we get – we always need our Mommies – and, at least for me, in the presence of our Moms, we still feel like “a little girl.”
The relationship shared between Mother and Daughter is one that is different than all the rest – and one that can never be duplicated.
I know you will miss her every single day for the rest of your life. Such profound grief at the loss of the deepest and most tender relationship of our life will never really pass. The tears may lessen – but her absence will leave a permanent hole in your soul.
I pray that the precious memories you have of her – and the faith that you will, one day, be reunited, will carry you through the rawest moments.
Much love and sympathy to you and yours.
Teri, I thank you for the kind words. I am very fortunate in that my faith is unyielding.
My Mother raised me to understand it was her job to help and guide me to be the most I could when the world would no longer have her in it. I think when one has a terminally ill parent, at least for me, I spent a great deal of time making sure I understood her expectations of me.
I know that if I had ever said to her “What the hell am I going to do without you?” she would have said something like- what do you do when you are at your home and not with me now, lol.
Or, in a more serious moment if I was really asking such a question, she would say if you are really asking me that I am going to consider it a personal failure on my part. I never told you people live forever and you have been outside my womb for some time.
She just never questioned herself, and I would text her pictures of my Easter breakfast table for input, lol.
B
Blink,
I haven’t posted in ages but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. Prayers with you and yours.
Thank you Diane.
B
Oh Blink,
My heart goes out to you and your family. Your Mom sounds wonderful and now she can be your number one crime fighter on the other side! Blessings to you and yours.
Many thanks acapella
B
I’m so sorry for your loss Blink. Words can not express the emptiness a person feels when they lose their Mom…I know because I lost mine 6 years ago. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her.
Grief does change over time, the saddness is eventually replaced with good memories and funny moments of time spent together.
I will share this with you…on my birthday in 2007 I was sitting inside my garage feeling very sorry for myself, missing my mom, wanting her near.
Out of nowhere a hummingbird flew to the entrance of the garage and hovered there looking right at me. That was only the 2nd hummingbird I’d ever seen…the first one was at my mom’s.
This may sound silly but I knew that hummingbird was a birthday gift from my Mom and somehow God deemed me worthy to recieve it. That birthday is probably the best birthday I’ve ever had.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers
Love is eternal.
CBickel, not silly at all and you hit my bullseye. I bought Mom and Dad a few hummingbird feeders some years back and we made the sugar water and filled them a month ago. They were her favorite.
B
My prayers are with you Blink. There is nothing more wonderful than a loving mother-daughter relationship. It is a bond that will never end. Thank you for sharing your mother and your story with us… Prayers of peace for you and your family.
Thank you Pammy.
B
Dearest Blink- I am so very sorry to hear of Momma Blinks passing. Sounds like you guys had a Mother Daughter relationship that most girls could only dream of. Please try to remember the good times when you are feeling blue and remember how lucky you were to have such a great inspirational Mother!
Thank you Cindy, we did and do. Not to say that the teenage years I was not an egregious pain in her ass-
I like to think of it as “late blooming.”
B
Oh Blink Sooo Sorry.
I lost my mother this last March 29, 2012. However, she was 92 and had so much wrong with her and was so sick, we truly had a celebration at her funeral. I am embarrassed to show her age, because I had her so much longer than you did your mom.
I ask God to wrap His loving arms around you and your family and kiss each tear with his loving care.
Thank you kindly and I am sorry for the loss of your Mom regardless of her age.
B
Oh Blink…I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother. I know the depth of that grief well. My own mother died suddenly at 65…nearly 33 years ago. There is not a day that has passed that she doesn’t come to my mind, at least once. We will always miss their physical presence (to this day, there are times I reach for the phone and start to dial the number that is also, long dead)…the memories remain to console us, until we meet them again.
Love and prayers
Paula
Thank You Paula
B
i didnt want to leave a long comment like usual and ramble. Please forgive me…. as i sit and read this, i have cried and cried and cried… my grandmother use to tell me not to cry when we would go to funerals…and i would say, “But it is so hard not to!” I was little and scared. I didnt understand. I do understand as hard as it is so much more as an adult- I cry for you– but of the wonderful life celebration you had throughtout your journey on earth with your mother. Tears of Joy and emotion for the wonder she brought to this earth…her existance enriched us all! If only some of the children you so diligently advocate for, their mothers felt the same way and knew their role. They need a guide…your mother was gracious kind and bold to know no boundaries when it came to your needs, your life conveyed her acomplishments. She instictively had that “Mother’s love” What a beautiful Mother! Your journey; how wonderful and she was a beautiful charter of that journey… ..(the Slopping of the hogs hit me hard) I got that, and yes it is hard to endure those moments the hammer hits– OH i so wish you would write a book about this lagacy and your life lessons…..I have learned so much from your mother VIA reflectively through you……Thank you again so much for sharing your mother with us… Please excuse me for saying this- I hope this doesnt sound selfish of me… But, I beg you, Please leave this article piece up,…It’s beautiful …It is a wonderful contribution to her legacy. Let it live and reflect in your work, as we know it thrives!….continued prayers and loving thoughts for you and your family.
Thank You Be the-
Gotta slop the hogs now,
B
Blink
The story you posted about BJ and yourself is so important to young people. Two deaths of those that he loved is stressful for him as you percieved. However, because you and his father have prepared him well for his tasks in life, he will be all the stronger for it.
There is a special kind of love for a young man for his mom, grandmother and great grandmother. This so particularly true in a home where love and respect have existed since birth.
I can still visualize the morning I caught my grandmother in my arms as she was falling from a fatal heart attack seventy years ago. Old memories are precious and they never go away.
ATG, I took an extended pig slopping break after this so I appolly.
Many times in my home, I remind BJ and my bonus boys when they are here, that I am raising gentleman here, one always wonders if it sticks. It does if you keep at it I guess.
I am very sorry you lost your Gram but very glad it was you her caught her.
God Bless.
B
Hugs to you and your family Blink. Very touching.
Thank You OSU
B
Dear Blink,
so sorry for your loss, your Mom must have been a very special person to all who loved her. That picture reminds me of the female
pilot in the movie “Silver Streak” with Gene Wilder from the 70′s.
Have you seen it? Recommended, very funny.
I lost my father back in 2008 to Alzheimer’s. You never get used
to just having one parent. My mom left my Dad’s voice mail message on her cell phone, partly for security cause it’s a male voice if a stranger calls her. But still, from time to time, I or my sister will call mom’s cell just to hear Dad’s voice again. So I totally understand about calling your mom’s cell phone.
Please don’t be shy about sharing lots of memories and stories about your mom here – I’m sure we all will be enriched and glad to read them. My prayers and thoughts go out to you and your family.
peace,
Sherlock
Thank you Sherlock
B
Thank you so much for sharing your mom with us at this difficult time. I am sad for you and yours for your mother’s passing and for her suffering in her struggle for that extra month, day and breath. I am glad the extra time afforded you, your mom, and your family the opportunity to say what needed to be said, and to give the hugs that needed to be given.
Thank you so quizz, and I appreciate the kind private posts of support along the way.
B
Blink-
I’m so sorry to hear your of your loss. Although, I have to say, it sounds like your mom is working on lighting up heaven. I have a co-worker who is currently battling cancer of all sorts. At first it was shocking to me that he would joke about death, but now, much like your mothers attitude, I admire it immensely. It’s not the ending, but rather a different kind of beginning. Your post brought tears to my eyes and shall make me hug those I love a little harder today. Blink Jr. sounds like a young man full of heart, his mama is probably full of pride. Take care of you and yours!
O herv, I thank you.
If one has never yelped a shriek of grief to be followed to by a heaving breath of joy and pride, I wish that for them immensely. Blinkette is avoiding, Blink Jr is protecting, and at the end of the day to know we are raising a gentleman when it counts is such a tribute to my Mother I cannot tell you.
B
My Dear Blink,
I have read your sweet words twice now and have read all of your responses to others and can tell from one writer to another that you may benefit from letters to your mother.
I am still fortunate and greatful to have my mom living across the street from me at 82 years old. I have lost my dad on August 8 1996.
I miss him terribly still but I still talk to him as I have access 24-7 now. I really depend on my mom being awake to hear me whatever time I NEED her BUT also know the day will come when she will not answer that phone or her door. I look every morning to see if she has gotten her paper out of the yard. YOu sound so strong Blink and that is encouraging but I also know that it takes strength and wisdom from her to go on and YOU WILL pull your family through this loss, as My kids and I got through my dads passing. I also know as well as for myself, that our mothers are the reason we are so strong and her strength and her preparing you, you will do just dandy.
Please start notes to her as it SO HELPs and you will get all of your answers I promise and I dont find dimes, I find shiny pennies at the oddest of times (smile) I truly heart you sweet lady and hug those kids and take as many walks as you need…. WE are here to hold you up as you have us so many times.
Thank you NancyS. I may do just that, but at the moment, I feel her and I have a direct line and a mental back and forth but I am very open to that. One of the reasons is that I love my mothers handwriting and it is very distinctive. I almost feel like writing to her with my own pen and not getting to see her handwritten reply would be more than I could stand.
B
God bless you and your famy.
Thank you Slow.
B
Beautiful Moment between Mom and Son. He is so right, showing comfort is for everyone. Everyone is going to be sad and need comfort at different times and different ways.
My Grandma is 87 and will tell me “There are just days I need to talk to my Mom. I miss her so much” Her mom passed in 1985 and she said this to me last month.
Gotta slop the hogs now myself!
Blessings one, and thank you.
B
Blink, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I was lead here today as a blessing. I just returned home after being with my mom for a week taking her to procedures I was feeling kind of bitter that my brother recently moved six hours away. I only live an hour from mom. Your wonderful tribute was so inspiring. I am sixty and mom is eighty four. You made me realize I am very lucky to be able to still have mom and have the strength to be her caretaker as needed. Bless you and yours.
My Dad, Sisters and I , with the help of extended family, were her caregivers for the time she was home along with nursing staff, etc. But the true champion in this is my Father, who with supreme grace and dignity took care of my Mother in every way when she needed it. She would not have been here this long without him. When I reminded him of that the other day, he said, of course I would, she put up with me for almost 44 years.
At the end, my sister with the medical background was beyond amazing running interference with the medical community and we were fortunate that one of her grandsons was actually a nurse at the last hospital on night shift. Those of you with a similar sense of humor will know what I mean when I say we affectionately call him Gaylord Focher.
B
PS…yes, Jesus take the Wheel!
lol, it was not meant to be a joke so much as I do not wish to offend anyone. These days just about anything is going to come out of my mouth, but I did and do mean it, as well as it is a good way to impart faith sometimes if people do not necessary feel stocked up on it
B
My sincere condolences to you and your family, Blink. A bond between her mother and her children is beyond explainable and I never truly understood that until I became a mother myself. Then I understood all those things that my mother used to say and do. The worry, the fear, the pride, the love. It is obvious through your writing that you had a special relationship with your mom, and so many other moms are indebted to you for advocating for their children. I believe your mom will always be guiding you from a “better place” and helping you to connect the dots for so many of the lost souls that are trying to find peace. I will give my mom and my children and extra hug in honor of your mom today. My deepest sympathy.
Thank You kindly Kristin, that comforts me.
My Mother was with me during two difficult deliveries of both my children (Hubs glad for the help) and I can honestly say that above any and all experiences I ever had with her, I value them the most.
When my son was born, you know how the doctor and nurses come in and mark the name on the whiteboard, etc?
She wrote hers and put Dr. Mom Mom next to it. Not discounting Mr. Blink’s presence of course, but my Mom being there, and seeing her grandbabies being born is something in my soul that is, and forever will be mine.
It may seem small in the scheme of what a fantastic Mom and Mom Mom she was, but to me, not so much.
B
Oh dear Blink!
To you and your entire family, my most sincere and heartfelt condolences!!!
I lost my Mom last October. And she lived with me for 28 years (since my husband’s death after 2 years of marriage) – and as much as losing my father and husband years earlier was devastating …my Mother’s loss was on a whole new stratosphere.
Reading your beautiful article and your touching comments to other bloggers makes it clear what a fabulous woman your mother was ..and remains!
I firmly believe that as long as we live, death doesn’t end any of our dearest relationships.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t talk to my mother …and that in so many subtle and uncanny ways, I feel that she responds to me ..and that she is looking over me.
Likewise – welcome to a whole new relationship with your mother. I know that in the coming days, months, and years, she will provide you with an infinite number of experiences in which you feel her loving presence, care and comfort!
Yes, I know that you want to hear her voice, feel her touch, and see her loving glance….but even though that is not possible, know that she is still there! GOD BLESS!
Thank You Jnpgh.
B